one woman in seminary

The wisdom of addicts

2012-02-07T21:21:00.006-05:00

I cannot tell you definitively that those who are addicted are wiser than the average bird. (Though in general, I think they are smarter than most.)

I can only tell you that those who are in voluntary (and proactive) recovery from their addictions have taken a self-awareness pill. They have taken the pill, drank the self-awareness koolaid, if you will, and so they tend to drill down to the essence of their problems in record speed. It is the first of 12 steps that initiate this process: admitting I am powerless to help myself.

And given the fact that most of us struggle or have struggled with some kind of addiction—pride, food, nicotine, drugs, lust, codependency—you name the crutch, it would follow that all of us could choose the path to greater self-awareness.

Especially when Jesus enters the picture, and gives the hope of a new heart for the old one, delivering on his promise to make all things new.

Each Sunday night I plop down on a couch facing six or seven women who are recovering from drugs and alcohol and we talk about recovery and what Jesus has to do with it. Some weeks, what comes out of their mouths stops me dead in their tracks. This week was one of those weeks.

Wise words erupted, intertwined with stories of utter brokenness and redemption:

"Things are a lot less painful when you're sober."
"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
"And I said, 'Oh, God, sometimes you talk too much.'"

See what you can learn in one short hour-and-a-half Bible study sitting on an old couch?

Our addictions are meant to dull the pain—and they end up intensifying it.
Unanswered prayers, the ones we beg most to be answered "our way" often bring benefits: brokenness and healing we can't even conceive of in the middle of life's mess.
God is speaking, warning, guiding, instructing, and we sometimes quench His Spirit, try to quiet His voice, to our detriment—and sometimes, to our destruction.

That's it. That's what I learned from 7-8:30pm last Sunday night while the rest of the world was eating nachos and watching the Superbowl. I think from now on I'll call our weekly visits "Sunday School," the very best kind, where Jesus teaches me words of wisdom from those who are wise enough to know they are broken, and smart enough to believe Jesus can do anything.

Your turn: Do you have someone in your life whose deep self-awareness and brokenness has instructed you? What have you learned from them?

Why I Drive a '97 Sunfire

2012-01-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

I suppose there are many reasons I drive a rusting '97 Sunfire.

I inherited it from my mother. It runs without a car payment. It gets me where I need to go. But as the years tick by, I become increasingly aware of its downsides.

Strange noises from any and every inch of the vehicle that others notice when they drive along. (I have for the most part blocked them out, now that my ears are so used to them.) It leaks antifreeze and stuff. And so it goes into the repair shop often for a new water pump, a new belt, a new this, a new that. It is beginning to feel like we are pouring money down the drain.

Then there are the obvious aesthetic challenges.

A beautiful shade of....rust.

The rusting passenger door. The creaks and groans. The short that makes for a lack of good volume control on the stereo. The one slightly-cracked light on the back, the bumped up license plate that says "beep-beep" on the front. The way the fuse on the horn went out for awhile, giving me no ability to toot in those times when a horn would come in handy. This is not my dream vehicle, not by a long shot.

Still, at this very moment, it's sitting in my garage. And it still gets me where I need to go—while dispensing a healthy dose of humility in the process. Many times when I drive it I think about how God is providing my transportation for the day (give us this day our daily rusting Sunfire), and that the Almighty is watching for me to be grateful, even in this. I suppose God is smiling as I pray, "Thank you, Lord, for getting me safely where I need to be." (Aging cars as a way of breeding dependence on God. Yes, he's definitely smiling!)

But beyond all this, the real reason the Sunfire still gets me where I need to go is because we've decided to opt out of the American way. You know—the get-a-car-every-so-many-years-and-put-it-on-credit mentality. We've gone that route in our pasts, but we're trying to do something different this time around.

We started a savings account specifically for a car, and we're hoping that come spring or summer we'll be buying a vehicle outright. When we do purchase it, we're praying for a different mindset: a determination on how we can minister to the people in our lives through using the new vehicle to provide transportation while getting a good MPG that will allow us to steward our money wisely. Meanwhile, the Sunfire has decided to run for another day.

And yes, Lord, I am grateful.

*Turns out there's a Christ-centered movement to drive junkers! No kidding. It all started in 2006 when a guy named Mike Foster sold his fully-loaded sports car to drive a junky 1993 Toyota Camry. As an act of rebellion against consumerism and in an effort to give more, Mike enlisted the help of his friends. There's even a junky car club bumper sticker. Check out junkycarclub.com and let me know what you think. Or follow Mike on twitter.

What about you? Does your faith impact what you choose to drive? How?

Pastoral tears

2012-01-19T12:43:00.001-05:00

When you sign up for the job of a pastor, no one tells you there will be tears. They mention you will be on call at times, that people will misunderstand you and sometimes confuse you, and that you might sometimes be emotionally tired.

But they forget to mention the tears. In seminary or otherwise. At least that is my experience.

You do not realize at first that sometimes you will be helping people who are so emotionally and spiritually and physically broken that all you want to do is lie down on the floor and cry with them. They didn't tell me that I would usually end up crying later, after they are gone, when I am alone with God and asking "Why?" When I am begging God to give me His vision of restoration for them. Asking that he would help me believe that all things are possible with him.

They did not tell me that those who are the most broken would bring the most joy to my heart, as I witness God's work in them. Sometimes these things go in fits and starts, two steps forward, three steps back, and over again, but nevertheless, there is an undeniable look in someone's eye when they believe God loves them and wants to make a way for them. Repentance before God is the gateway to new life, and it is so heart-achingly beautiful that I almost look away. It blows my mind that I get to see these transformations as they are happening, that I am a witness to the power of God's love in the heart of the broken.

You see, they did not tell me that next to my Bible, I would need a box of tissues in my office, stashed in my glove box, crammed into my purse. (Or that I would constantly be dispensing of a used-up tissue in my coat pocket.)

They did not share with me that occasionally I would cry because I had no words left to share with the hurting, with those who are not ready to see beyond themselves. That I would cry because they were not ready to receive all that God longs to offer them. That at times I would be a weeping prophet who didn't have clearance to speak all that my heart held.

No one happened to mention this. Though maybe they tried. Perhaps there are no words to express pastoral tears and so it is useless to try. Yet there they are, these tears, binding me to God's heart, spilling out like love all over those who need a touch from God, cleansing the pain, making way for the newness Jesus longs to bring to every aching heart.

And just beneath the tears? Deep, abundant joy.

It is the story retold, the story of deep pain on Good Friday and brilliant joy on Easter Sunday. It is the story of new life waiting to burst forth all around me, and for this reason, the tears are worth it. I wouldn't trade them for a minute.

What in your experience brings you to tears? Do the tears give way to joy—and if so, how?

Serious heart withdrawal

2012-01-09T10:36:00.000-05:00

I am in serious withdrawal.

And I am not referring to giving up Christmas sweets or the crass materialism that threatens to gobble us up and spit us out this time of year. This is withdrawal of another kind. Ministry withdrawal.

No sooner did I jet out of town following our two Christmas services, then I started to remember the people I live with and minister to at our church. I thought about so-and-so's surgery, whether or not certain individuals were spending the holiday alone, what it looks like for so many to soldier through the season with fractured relationships, unanswered questions...and doubts. I shook my head as I heard of several individuals who experienced searing loss at the time of year when all is supposedly "merry and bright."

My heart, it seems, was in two places at once. For some, this is parenthood; for others, it is the pastorate.

Eugene Peterson described it this way: "The pastor's question is, "Who are these particular people, and how can I be with them in such a way that they can become what God is making them?"How, indeed.

For this is a messy proposition. A mixed-up bag of highs in one meeting and deep lows in the next. Hot tears and deep joy. Hospital visits, and graveside services, and Bible teaching, and subversive acts that point towards God's advancing Kingdom while the world screams comfort and materialism and the ordinary. Looking for the uncomplicated and straightforward? One need not apply here.

But suppose one's heart beats for transformed hearts and changed lives and the new things Jesus ends up doing with and through ordinary folk. Then the rollercoaster becomes the ride of your life and withdrawal brings its own rewards. I am investing in the hearts of lives of those who matter to my Abba, and he is doing the rest.

I am trusting that all of it matters, even when I don't see how.

"Christian spirituality means living in the mature wholeness of the gospel. It means taking all the elements of your life - children, spouse, job, weather, possessions, relationships - and experiencing them as an act of faith. God wants all the material of our lives."

Did I mention it's good to be back?

[*The author is new to a temporary assignment as a part-time pastor of evangelism. Proof positive that miracles do happen.]

Your turn: What makes your heart experience withdrawal symptoms? How is God's Kingdom expanding around you in a way that brings you deep joy?

Citations: Eugene H. Peterson. The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction (Kindle Locations 41-42, 45-46). Kindle Edition.

Jesus and the Story of a Table

2011-12-15T13:30:00.005-05:00

Sometimes it is alcohol. Sometimes it is crack. Sometimes sexual slavery or addiction. Sometimes physical disease or abuse. Overspending. Food addiction. Cycles that beg to be broken.

Things that splinter my heart in two at the hearing of them, that tempt me to stop believing in the radical power of Jesus to set the sinner and the sinned-against free. These are the moments in which I must stop and remember the Kingdom perspective. When I must live in the Jesus Creed.

In his book The Jesus Creed, theologian Scot McKnight unveils Jesus' call for us to love God and to love others as ourselves. And how did Jesus illustrate this outlandish idea, this law that trumped all the other picky Jewish laws the Pharisees (or keepers of the law) had come to treasure?

He does it through a table.

Could this have anything to do with him being a carpenter? I'm not sure, but I do know it had everything to do with him fashioning his Kingdom. The Pharisees message to the down-and-out: smell better, do better, look better, be better, and then you can earn a seat at my table, to eat with me. Then you will be worthy.

Jesus' table story? "...clean or unclean, you can eat with me, and I will make you clean. Instead of his table requiring purity, it creates purity." (Jesus Creed, p. 36)

"For Jesus, the table envisions a new society, and that means that the table is a boundary-breaker and a grace-giver--and place where we can see what God can do when people are restored to fellowship with Abba." (Jesus Creed, p. 39)

In the story Jesus is telling through a table, the Church would not be a place to come for really righteous people to listen to righteous things and sing righteous songs and repeat only righteous things. Not if Jesus really meant what he said in Mark 2:17: "Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners'.”

Rather, the church would be a hospital for the sick.

It would not be a place to shuffle consumer-oriented, middle-to-upper-income people from one church to another church in their same city. It would be a place with healing ointment, and food, and provisions, and love and truth, and it would reek with healing and holiness. The church is to be a place where we fight for the broken and wounded, where we give to see them grow, where we worship to advance God's Kingdom, where we eat together. The homeless and helpless sitting next to the prosperous and the pampered. For we are all in need...and we are all in recovery, in debt to Jesus for what He has so graciously done on our behalf.

That's what Jesus and the beauty of His table is telling us. Something beautiful happens when we start issuing come-as-you-are dinner invitations.

My New Occupation: Spiritual Mother

2011-11-12T20:14:00.003-05:00

I feel a little like Deborah, the prophetess, warrior, and judge whom many call the mother of Israel. And with that, perhaps I should explain myself.

Gustave Dore's interpretation
of the prophetess Deborah
from wikipedia.com

I am physically barren; in biblical terms, this means that up till now there has been no fruit and no multiplication in my household. This sometimes feels like a grave injustice, an assault against my God-given feminine instincts, as it also feels for many women who desperately yearn for motherhood but never experience it. Yet it is certainly not the worst lot in life. Others have far more difficult circumstances, like struggles for freedom from the horrors of sex-trafficking and the need for clean drinking water or an AIDS vaccine.

But barrenness is the place from which I can truthfully speak, and so I sometimes do.

Tonight, this struggle points me to a woman I have never met but hope to chat with one day. Her name is Deborah, and her story is recorded in the Bible in the book of Judges. She was married, but there is no record of children. And someone else was likely helping with her household duties, since Deborah spent her time righting others' wrongs, prophesying of God's faithfulness to Israel, warring in battle, and trying to convince a man like Barak to find his courage. All in a day's work--right, ladies?

In the last month, I have temporarily joined a church staff during an interim period. It was a natural progression after serving as a pastoral intern at our church. This happened when two of our lead pastors moved on to another call and holes sprung up, desperately longing to be filled, at least that is what my heart said.

So now when I go to work, people call me pastor. This is shocking and crazy to me, but as one friend said in an email: "Of course you would struggle with a title that's been so male-dominant. Only with time will you (and frankly, others) get used to it. But pastoring is the gift you have. Teaching. encouragement. spiritual leadership. These are the giftings of a pastor, and that you are."

So I gulped and dove in and for the most part, nothing could be more natural. I have wondered where this is all going in terms of my future, but no matter what the future holds it will include teaching, encouragement, and spiritual leadership. Along the way, something surprising is happening.

The focus in my life is not on my barrenness and my monthly cycle, but on the fruit that can be born for God's Kingdom. I pastor, and I have the privilege of watching God work. I encourage, and God gives the increase. Ministry is becoming much less frightening and a thousand times more life-giving. And the other day I had a eureka moment: I was in the office and making hospital visits and counseling and preparing to teach, and I thought to myself, this is what mothering is all about. No matter what turn my fertility takes, I am a spiritual mother.

Truthfully, I answer to almost anything. But if the shoe fits--and the spiritual giftings, too--perhaps we should start calling each other who we are, regardless of our job titles. The occupation blank on my next medical form just might be filled in "spiritual mother." And it would be a high privilege to be lumped in with Deborah, a woman with a song in her heart and a God-ordained purpose guiding her every step.

Read Deborah's story and song here.

Your turn. What is your occupation at present, whether homemaker, business person, pastor, caregiver, seminary student, etc.? And based on your spiritual giftings, what is your spiritual occupation?

Psalm 91 sermon audio by Suzanne Burden

2011-10-20T16:08:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I preached a sermon on my church to remind us all of the powerhouse of promises given to us in the psalm of protection, Psalm 91. Hope you'll listen in and comment!

Church Internship 101

2011-09-29T09:11:00.002-04:00

"Your job," she said, "is to know Jesus."

I stared back at the Skype screen on my computer and nodded. Forget teaching Sunday School and giving morning announcements in two services, counseling with new believers and the hurting, planning our church's annual fall festival, or preparing for a Sunday night sermon.

My job: to know Jesus.

All else would flow out from there, my mentor said, from her perch in the UK, where she was working on her doctoral dissertation. If I would spend time with him each day, she said, I'd be OK no matter what came. And come it did.

In the first week of the internship, my mother-in-law passed away. We were making almost daily trips while she was under hospice care, we were there when she peacefully passed, and I was commissioned to help with the funeral. The same weekend she died, I gave announcements at church for the first time and delivered the details of her funeral arrangements to the congregation. "God will provide," my mother-in-law, Laura, had a way of saying, and so I clung to that.

A few weeks later, after the fall festival was mercifully wrapped up and the many details of the church's 75th anniversary service were behind us, our senior pastor delivered a stunning blow: he and his associate pastor wife (my mentor) were being appointed as district superintendents in our denomination, one state over. The final confirmation came a week and a half later as the staff mourned and hoped for a change of mind as they prayed together. No change came.

Last Sunday, the congregation found out as Pastor Chuck delivered the news with great tenderness and some pain in his voice. After a collective gasp, I heard people crying. I have never known a pastor with a higher shepherding gift. This couple have modeled tenderness with the broken and hurting, and as they are called on to other things, there is a collective "Why Lord?" and an understanding that God does not always tell us why. Instead, God simply offers us intimacy with himself.

I tried to focus on that as I walked into my mentor's Sunday School class after the news was given. I looked at the loss on their faces and the questions in their hearts, and all I could really do was offer up the psalm we turned to, psalm 46: "God is an ever-present help in trouble."

My job: to know Jesus.

This week at the church another stunning blow. A faithful woman of God who was in prayer meeting just last week and plans the funeral dinners for our congregation, developed a brain aneurysm and died. Still young, leaving a husband behind and two children, her absence creates a void that makes our heads spin and our hearts cry, "Why Lord??"

My job: to know Jesus.

Perhaps all of this is par-for-the-course in ministry: upheaval, tremendous loss, deep pain, questioning, feeling hurt and burdened for those left behind. Or perhaps there is something more at work here, and God longs to show me his strength perfected in my weakness. I am reeling, seeking rest, clinging to my Savior's promises, and remembering his track record in times of struggle. I stand in need of His grace, just as each one of us does.

My job is to know Him, the Savior who died and lived for me, who is seated at the Father's right hand, and who intercedes for me. What a blessed promise. And now, I'm about to wrap up this blog post and open my Bible and journal, so I can get back to my job. He is waiting for me. And by the way, He's waiting for you, too.

No matter your occupation, is your #1 job to know Jesus, believing all else will flow out from there? Do times of great struggle push you into the arms of Jesus--or away from him?

Beautifully flawed

2011-08-29T11:00:00.000-04:00

I was reading Donald Miller's blog the other day, and I read his post Learning to Love Your Flaws, and I felt my soul take a deep, cleansing breath. It felt like an inaudible sigh of relief, actually.

Don posted a picture of himself--150 lbs. heavier--and talked about the value of flaws. I especially liked this sentence:

"It's true we impress people with our supposed perfections, but we connect with each other in our flaws." -Donald Miller

I am a person of contradictions, you see. Those who meet me dressed up on Sunday mornings often view me as solid, put-together, and eloquent. (At least that's what they tell me.) Then I change my clothes in the evening and proceed to a Bible study for women in recovery where brutal honesty is the rule of the day and brokenness is a gateway to freedom.

I don't look very perfect there, as I share battle-wounds from my bouts of depression and anxiety, what it's like to trust God with a daily physical challenge in my right leg that limits my activities, how heartbreaking loss pushes me into the arms of my Savior, and the tug-of-war I experienced as I strove to live sexually pure as an unmarried Christian.

In both settings, Jesus is the answer. My struggle, then, is how to be more honest--and yes, more flawed--in a church setting, how to let people see that I don't have it all together while sharing with them the life-changing truth of the gospel of Christ. I look at the example of our Savior, and I see that he was the same as he overturned tables in the temple, as he talked with the Samaritan woman, as he healed the masses, fed the 5,000, and delivered the Sermon on the Mount.

He was the same, yet he talked directly to those he ministered to, meeting them at their point of need. I can't say that Jesus was flawed, but I do know that he was human. My challenge, then, is rejecting perfectionism to embrace brokenness, letting the weight of my personality breathe in whatever situation I am in, and letting the love of Christ flow through me--and through my imperfections. As grace seeps in and changes me, I want to find joy in living beautifully flawed.

How do you believe God views your flaws? Do you hide them--or celebrate them?

The Gift of Presence: ministry with fewer words

2011-08-18T10:12:00.004-04:00

I've been the "chaplain" at times, and now I'm the "pastoral intern," and what I am gathering in all of this is that I do not have the power to change a situation for someone. Only God has the power to change their perspective in it.

The gospel, the true hope of the world through the cross of Christ, has been packaged and taught in easy steps; it's been downsized and minimized into commitment-light; it's presentation is sometimes given with no thought for the physical and emotional welfare of the image-bearer who's receiving it. Some have even delivered it with a literal bullhorn.

In the past, I've been guilty of trying to make the gospel palatable--of trying to sell half-hearted Christianity to a soul who can't see how he could buy the whole package. Once when a friend sat across from me and told me he just couldn't believe in Christianity because he wasn't raised in a Christian home, I took his rejection of the gospel as a personal failure. As if my evangelistic fervor could have won him into the Kingdom. As if I, and not the Holy Spirit, woo people to faith in the Carpenter who turned the world upside down.

The truth is: I've made more than my share of blunders. Author Jerry Bridges was right: "Grace stands in direct opposition to any supposed worthiness on our part."

Jesus, the most eloquent truth-teller of all, delivered it first and foremost through the ministry of presence...followed by words of extraordinary significance. He was hanging out with the shady Samaritan woman, his feet were being anointed with oil by a female known for her sin, he ate with fraudulent tax collectors and broken prostitutes. The sick and diseased hung on him; the demons he cast off shrieked at his presence; those who touched the very edge of his garment went away rejoicing.

And when he did speak, when he did open his mouth, he tended toward stories and questions, parables and paradoxes. This was the upside-down Kingdom he ushered in. The last shall be first, the least of these are worthy of extraordinary kindness and generosity, the meek shall inherit the earth.

The way Jesus communicated goes against my natural bent, on so many levels. If I am talking to a young woman battling addiction about Jesus, and her eyes glaze over, I am tempted to talk faster and louder to see if she gets it. If I am counseling someone on entering a vibrant relationship with Christ, I am tempted to rush to the sinner's prayer, instead of helping this person understand the enormity of Jesus' love for them and the cost of following him. This goes against the very teachings of Jesus and his way of loving and engaging people with truth.

But I do not have to give in to my temptations. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says so.

The other day something out-of-the-ordinary happened that awakened me to how well I love. My neighbor of three years stopped by and offered words of comfort for us, as my mother-in-law is now in hospice care and will be gone soon. She was so understanding and kind and supportive, and before she left, she hugged me and said, "We love you guys." And I was caught off guard. Although this woman believes in God, she doesn't attend a church. I know her through "over-the-fence" conversations and a few backyard get-togethers.

But she has shared bulbs from her garden with me.
She has comforted me in my infertility.
She celebrates with me in my joys.

Her gift of presence has spoken volumes. Now her words mean something as well. This disciple of Jesus was moved by her kindness, her simple generosity.

What does the phrase "the gift of presence" mean to you? Do you tend to love others with many words or few words?

Do women have full access to God?

2011-08-03T10:31:00.006-04:00

Tertullian, 160-220 AD

The other night I was facilitating a Bible study for women in addiction recovery and something shocking happened in the room. For a few moments, it was as if all the air was sucked out of it.

In this study, I talk a lot about Adam and Eve, and how their sin and rebellion led to our sin and rebellion. How things are broken, and how ever since that time, God has been reaching out to set our relationships right again. Our relationship with him, and our relationship with others.

I explained how in the Old Testament times, God set up a sacrificial system--people would bring animal sacrifices to atone for their sinfulness before a holy God, with the help of priests. But that all changed, I said, when Jesus came and became the sacrifice. Now the Bible says we can all be priests, we can all approach God directly (see 1 Peter 2:9).

At that moment, a young woman looked up and blurted out: "Women, too?"

Yes! I said, more loudly than was necessary, as my heart plummeted to the ground.

An author I respect, Sarah Sumner, wrote: "Church tradition says that women are by nature lower than men. Indeed, most of the church fathers promoted this traditional belief." And then she proceeds to back it up.

Tertullian, the man who coined the word "Trinity" in the history of Christianity and defended the doctrine of original sin, said this to women:

And do you not know that you are (each) an Eve? The sentence of God on this sex of yours lives in this age: the guilt must of necessity live too. You are the devil’s gateway: you are the unsealer of that (forbidden) tree: you are the first deserter of the divine law: you are she who persuaded him whom the devil was not valiant enough to attack. You destroyed so easily God’s image, man. On account of your desert—that is, death—even the Son of God had to die.

Unfortunately, many other church fathers perpetuated the same nonsense. Augustine did not believe women were made in the image of God, but they could reflect his image...if they married. Thomas Aquinas said that women are dominated by sexual appetite and men are ruled by reason. And so it goes.

So, is it any wonder, centuries later, that a young woman sits down and says "Women, too?" when taught that we can approach God directly? Is it any wonder that she does not, at face value, accept what God has said in Genesis 1:27, that both men AND women are made in the very image of God? Is it any wonder that she, too, believes Eve singlehandedly ushered sin into the world? (Where, exactly, was Adam in all of this?)

Is it any wonder that she sees the female image-bearer of God as subpar, as dangerous, as someone who holds an inferior brain and a much inferior heart? It's no mystery why she believes these things, as they have insidiously trickled down through our churches, through the very people who confess to following and obeying Christ.

It's no mystery. But it is a shame. And it's high time to set the record straight. God's intention, when creating male and female as equals who would be his representatives on earth, was that all humans might share full access to him, a full relationship with him. We screwed that up, through sin, but Jesus offers a way to make it right again. He loves us, pursues us, and empowers us to service in his Kingdom--whether we are an Adam or an Eve. Blessedly, there is no double standard with God. Ladies, we have a full access pass.

(Quotes from Sumner, Sarah (2003). Men and Women in the Church: Building Consensus on Christian Leadership (pp. 40-41). Intervarsity Press. Kindle Edition.)

Self-test: do you somehow feel that women are inferior to men in the Christian faith--even if you know the Bible says differently? In your opinion, what should the church do to help women see themselves as God sees them?

The "holy" no: saying no for the Kingdom of God

2011-07-02T11:21:00.001-04:00

I don't like to say no. I'd rather be a yes-woman, a sure-I-can-do-that woman, an I-am-competent-trust me with-that kind of person.

But as my new friend Brenda reminded me this week, Jesus himself used the "holy no" for reasons his disciples often failed to understand. Read on to feel the gravity of Jesus' refusal as portrayed in the gospel of Mark.

That night, Jesus had lovingly entered the home of Simon's mother-in-law, who was ill with fever. He healed her, and all the people who came after her, casting our their evil spirits. And after this late-night healing session and what must have been a short night of sleep...

"...rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed" (Mark 1:35)

This was Jesus' normal modus of operandi, praying early in the morning in desolate places, and so his disciples went searching for him. His popularity was booming, so they notified him that "Everyone is looking for you."

And Jesus said "no." A "holy no" we find between the lines...in what he didn't actually say at all. He said "Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out" (Mark 1:38).

Yes, that was his response. Leaving behind what were likely hundreds of people who desperately wanted a touch from him, he moved on. Why? I ask myself. Why did Jesus leave behind the hurting and the deluded, those who also desired healing and truth, those who desperately wanted to see him?

As Jesus prayed to the Father, he gained direction for his life. He knew his purpose, and fulfilling that purpose necessarily involved limits. It involved saying no to good things so he could say yes to God's plan being revealed through him.

So he could do the best things.

If you believe the Bible and want to live by it, you too must discover how to say the "holy no." Like you, I have been entrusted with spiritual gifts and opportunities in which to use them. But they will not be effectively used to advance God's Kingdom if those gifts are spread too thin...if I take them where I want to take them instead of where the Holy Spirit guides me to use them through prayer and meditation.

Let me be completely honest: I have been given the spiritual gifts of teaching/preaching, encouragement, and leadership. If an opportunity presents itself in which I am called to serve outside of these areas of giftedness or in which I will be stretched beyond my limits...I need to seriously consider whether that is God's will for me. If that is how I can best build up the body of Christ and draw others to know and love Jesus. I need to embrace God's unique calling on my life, or I will soon be derailed by saying an "unholy yes" and failing to contribute to advancing God's Kingdom in the ways in which he has asked me to.

I have been derailed before. But with God's help, and as I listen to the Spirit in prayer, I am learning to say the "holy no." I want, like Jesus, to look back at the end of my life and say honestly, "I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do" (John 17:4 NIV).

No more. No less.

Do you struggle with saying no? What things are you currently saying "yes" to in your life? Do they align with your gifts and limits?

What NT Wright would say on his deathbed

2011-06-24T08:46:00.000-04:00

Kurt Willems of the Pangea blog shared these timeless thoughts on looking at Jesus from theologian NT Wright:

What things would you say about Jesus to those you know if you had only one week to live? Look forward to your comments!

Are you weary? Are you heavy-hearted?

2011-06-22T09:29:00.001-04:00

Do you know the song referenced in the title?

"Are you weary, are you heavy-hearted, tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus..."

Last night, I lit a candle, and my husband and I sat on the couch and we got very quiet. This was not a romantic moment, but a holy one. We were waiting to tell it to Jesus . . . or more specifically, to pray to our heavenly Father in Jesus' name.

"Tell it to Jesus, He is a friend that's well known."

I thanked God for his rich blessings to us. I prayed the Lord's prayer, my heart lifted up, praying that God's will would be done on earth as it is in heaven...in our neighborhood as it is in heaven.

"You've no other such a friend or brother. Tell it to Jesus alone."

We prayed for family members.
And the lonely.
And for the work of our heart and hands.
And for the dream of a child to fill our empty arms.
And that no matter what comes, our will would align with the will of the One who loves us most.

It is true that our prayers usher in peace and a contentment that flies in the face of the ads that bombard us on a daily basis. But to tell the truth, they do more than that. They tenderize our hearts, and point our gaze away from our problems and our hangups, and remind us that Someone, the God of the Universe, in fact, wants us to love others as he loves us.

And so telling it to Jesus inevitably means that our selfish edges are gradually sanded away, and we take an elderly couple out for ice cream, we invite a family we hardly know over for dinner, we provide a ride for some orphans, we lead a Bible study with the poor and broken, and we generally go about with a growing heart to do simple acts of kindness in the name of Jesus. The power of prayer is not just in knowing God responds to our pleas, but in knowing that the very act of praying can change us.

Tell it to Jesus.

Do you speak easily and freely with Jesus? What have you discovered about prayer--and how has it changed you?

Biblical truth in layers: digging deeper

2011-06-16T09:43:00.004-04:00

You're six (with pigtails or dimples--take your pick), and you listen to a storybook version of the Genesis Creation story, and the birth of Jesus, and the miracle of a man born blind receiving sight, and you get it.

You get it as in, "God's big, he made the world, he was born in a smelly place, and he can do anything!" That's as much as you get, and that's enough, for now. But then you grow up, and you begin to put away childish things and ideas, and the Bible begins to be an awfully big book filled with mystery and prompting lots of questions.

In the process of digging deeper, some of us seem to lose our faith. Others of us find a deep well from which to draw from, and grow more comfortable with paradoxes and mysteries. We understand that we may understand a certain passage to mean one thing, but once we drill down to investigate the Greek or Hebrew, or we put it into context with the rest of Scripture, our views change somewhat.

God never changes (and neither does his Word), but sometimes our views or understanding on God change.

We're human, after all. And as humans, we are in a discovery process to mine the truth about God, who is Other than us. Greater than us. More loving than us. Perfect and sovereign.

This whole process is happening to me right now as I study the Hebrew word ezer, the word God used when creating Eve in Genesis 2. It also happens to be a strong word used 16x in the Old Testament for God! Describing how he is a strong helper to his people, how he comes through for them when they are in desperate need. And there's a boat-load of significance in God's word choice here...he could have used a Hebrew word for servant or one of the words for wife, but he chose EZER. And so in sharing through the written word what God intends for his daughters by the use of the word ezer, I have likely spent at least 100 hours studying and consulting experts, since I myself have not studied Hebrew. I'm not kidding you. Deep waters.

What I am discovering, in an supreme effort to stay true to Scripture, and to be faithful to the usage of the word in this particular context, is different than what I thought I was going to write about when I signed up for the project. It's even a shade of meaning that's different from what I shared in a sermon about this subject last month.

And that, ultimately, is OK. We are all learning as we go, digging deeper, searching for the ultimate meaning of what God is saying Scripture, and as NT Wright recently said in the May/June issue of Bible study Magazine, anyone's translation is "a 65% best guess." The point is, we are doing the best we can. We are uncovering "Big T truth in layers," and I believe even the search pleases our heavenly Father.

How about you? What have you learned about God's Truth as an adult that surprised or confused you? What makes you want to dig deeper into Scripture?

Bringing Back Margin

2011-06-09T14:18:00.005-04:00

Why is it that the most common response to "How are you?" is "Busy!" We've overscheduled our days and nights until our Blackberries become Crackberries and our lives resemble a kind of slavery--slavery to our overcrowded lives. And in all of this, most of us feel good about our busyness. Spiritual, even. Until we consider the example of Jesus himself.

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." (NIV, Luke 5:16) He prayed. Easily one of the most seemingly inefficient, unproductive things a person could do. And also the one thing that "availeth much." We see Jesus wandering away to mountaintops to pray over and over again. It was his prayer life that fueled his ministry life. The two were inseparable.

For me, a life with margin has not come easy. As a Type A, it took physical and emotional limitations to slow me down to live within my limits. Even then, I didn't always cultivate the spiritual practices that lead to life and the blessing of God. I'm still discovering what it means to rest--but I can tell you this--I love to sit with my Savior.

Meanwhile, our world accelerates at breakneck speed. Technology outpaces our ability to learn it; we overload our children with activities, imposing profound stress on 10-year-olds, and many work more than they ever have, to earn more, so they can own more. Which enslaves us to our things.

Can you imagine Jesus doing any of this? Can you imagine him approving of it?

Margin author Richard Swenson describes our current state of affairs:
"We must have some room to breathe. We need freedom to think and
permission to heal. Our relationships are being starved to death by velocity. No one has the time to listen, let alone love. Our children lay wounded on the ground, run over by our high-speed good intentions. Is God now pro-exhaustion? Doesn't He lead people beside the still waters anymore? Who plundered those wide-open spaces of the past, and how can we get them back?"
-Margin: Restoring, Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard Swenson, MD

The message of this book is "Do less." The hope of the book is that by evaluating our patterns we can live the abundant life Jesus called us to by saying no to many things so we can say yes to a few--the most important ones.

If you read one book this year, I'd recommend this one. It is possible to live our lives according to the Spirit of Christ. The advancement of the Kingdom of God depends on it.

Your turn. Do you struggle with margin? What does margin restore to our lives? What does it mean for God's Kingdom?

Why Immodesty Doesn't Equal Female Power

2011-05-31T15:50:00.001-04:00

The other night I was talking with some women about the destructive power of places like Hooters and Tilted Kilt, and strip clubs as well--and how they reduce us as women to the sum of our body parts. How they diminish and affect not only the women who work there, but women everywhere. And there were a few tears in our eyes, as we realized that we have all at some time sought male attention and approval through subtle and not-so-subtle manipulation of our bodies.

from wikipedia.com

I felt anger beneath the surface as I talked about Beyonce's latest video "Who Runs the World--Girls!" that has body parts displayed through little clothing, hips and breasts gyrating, while all the while claiming that girls now have the power--by manipulating through their sexuality. I'd like to go on record by saying that we certainly don't run the world when we're dependent on our fleeting beauty and gross immodesty to have power and position. As one blogger (who was simply a music reviewer) put it after seeing the video, "Hide your daughters!"

Did someone forget that women have brains and strength and love and nurture to give--and that they aren't only valuable when they look sexy? That they are valuable to God from the moment they are born till the moment they die...and beyond?

No, we are worth infinitely more to the God who created us in His own image. We as women are created as indispensable "ezers" -- the Hebrew word for Eve that exalts us as agents or rescue, meant to join with men to accomplish God's work. We are neither subordinate nor superior. We are created by almighty God, and instead of manipulation, we are called to love, to service, to give. (If you want to know more, listen to this sermon or watch this video.)

I'm not removed from this problem--I've seen the tragic effects firsthand. Last year, while helping a 21-year-old exotic dancer who was detoxing from opiates, my husband and I took her into our house for a few days. She was so ashamed, she couldn't look David in the eyes. I told her God loves her and gives her dignity, but she couldn't imagine leaving the strip club, since she made so much money there, and had so much "fun." Where is all the money you've made, I asked, since she had about $3 in her purse. And she had to admit it was all gone. And that in a few years, she would be out of a job, too, tossed aside as younger, more beautiful dancers came on the scene. Although she was the one nauseous from detoxing, I was the one who felt like vomiting.

Ladies, we don't have to objectify ourselves. God loves us intrinsically and always, when we are 8 days old and 80 years old, and it doesn't matter to him what we look like. We are valuable because He created us, loves us, and wants relationship with us. That is enough, and no-holds-barred sexuality cheapens you and the way other women are perceived. There's a better way.

Men, you don't have to objectify us, either. Choose to believe that you are also made in God's image, you are not animal, but you have a mind and a will that can be submitted to the One who loves you most. When you see a woman of beauty, thank God for his good Creation. Then decide that you will treat your mothers and your girlfriends and your wives and your daughters and the woman on the street with the protection and dignity they deserve.

Pornography, and Hooters, and strip clubs, and showing body parts that arouse attention, are destructive to men and women, boys and girls. We have the ability to choose things that bring us death, but oh how God longs to bring us life!

**The author wishes to acknowledge that women also deal with disordered sexuality, including pornography--and that there is help and healing for both men and women. Here are two resources: xxxchurch.com and dirtygirlsministries.com.

How can we as men and women help each other in this area? What are some things we can do to restore modesty and dignity to God's daughters?

Spiritual retreating

2011-05-24T08:00:00.000-04:00

She invited me, and so I headed northwest about 45 minutes or so, finding myself on a dirt road, carefully following signs and arrows that pointed to "Lutherhaven."

The "day away" of spiritual retreat was a last-minute idea, and I gladly seized it. Since moving from Michigan, I have craved quiet, nature-filled spaces--and have so seldom found them. But find them I would. Brenda led me to a room filled with a bed, a desk, a dresser, and a few books. She prayed over me, that God would meet me in there and in the outdoors, and that my soul would be refreshed and renewed.

Her kindness surprised me. As you might suspect, it was a Lutheran campground, and I attend a Nazarene church while studying at a Grace Brethren seminary. But Brenda's heart beats for Christian leaders who need to be refreshed. So she found me through some recent articles and this blog, and she welcomed me as a sister in Christ. I was more than a little grateful.

I hiked a bit outdoors, Brenda's words ringing in my ears. "Listen." and "Accomplish nothing." Unguided tours into the presence of the Almighty tend to unnerve most of us. So I sat and quieted myself. And read a bit. And journaled, confessing the competing motives in my heart...

"We tend to forget a very simple truth about prayer: It is passionate dialogue, a living conversation with the God who pursues us Because of what Christ has done, we may enter God's presence with the freedom of little children who cry, 'Abba, Father.' (Romans 8:15) - Matthew Woodley

I wandered up to the lodge's loft, and with colored chalk, began to list the places and things in which I sense God's presence. Just taking in the list reminded me of the healing Christ has brought to my heart, and the subsequent joy I have experienced.

"It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in." - CS Lewis

And the result of the quiet, and sitting surrounded by forests and nature, and just listening was this. My Father asked me quite simply, "Am I enough for you?"

-Am I enough for you if you never have a child?
-Am I enough for you, or do you need a new car?
-Am I enough for you, or do you need a seminary degree completed on your timetable?
-Am I enough for you, or will you fill yourself with sugar to replace me?
-Am I enough for you, or will you try to control life instead of depending on me to provide what's needed?
-Am I enough for you, or will you pressure your husband to be "god to you" as well?
-Am I enough for you, or will you persist in worrying over things in which you have no control?

Am...I...enough? Yes, Lord, you are. You're enough every minute of the day and the night. You're enough when I'm lonely and when my love-tank is filled to the brim. You're enough when I'm grieving, enough when I'm doing laundry, enough when I'm dreaming, enough when I'm serving, enough when I lay my head down on the pillow each night. In fact, I'll go one step further...as the extra bread at the feeding of the 5,000 signified, you are more than enough.

When was the last time you experienced focused time with God, with no agenda and a heart that was quiet enough to hear his voice? What was the result?

Surprised by prayer

2011-05-19T11:19:00.002-04:00

Recently, I've been praying the Lord's Prayer (also known as the disciples' prayer) regularly. And I've been touched by the sentence, "Your will be done--on earth, as it is in heaven." As I've prayed, my heart has cried out, Lord, may your justice and love rise up here in the hearts of those who love you; I long for you to take joy in what is happening here with the image-bearers you've created. Your will be done, right here and right now!

And in saying this, I am longing for purity and righteousness. I am asking that people be drawn to repent of their sins and receive the love of a Risen Savior. I want desperately for the broken to be tended to, loved, for orphans and widows to be cared for, and for those in prison to be visited. For those addicted to substitutes for real joy to be healed and set free.

That leads me to my other prayer of late. I have led a Bible study for women in drug and alcohol addiction recovery for almost a year now. The sweetness of Jesus comes and hangs out in each Scripture read, in each truth applied to sorrow and sin, in each hug extended as though my arms were the arms of our Savior. But...I've needed help. For over six months, I've been praying for another woman with love and maturity to help with the study, to mentor women who want to go deeper, to add her heart and her mind to the cause. I told prayer warriors about this, I mentioned it to people I felt God might speak to, but nothing.

A few weeks ago, I grew impatient. Why, Lord? Why wouldn't you send someone to help these women? They are desperate for you! That day, I wrestled with God and mentioned to my husband my growing discouragement. I suppose we shouldn't be surprised to learn that same day a woman emailed the facility asking if she could start a Bible study there. The director said "We already have one, but I believe the leader is looking for help."

Was I ever. And so, within two days I met with God's provision, and she took over that Sunday while I was out preaching. And now she's helping to mentor these women in need. And I just keep smiling when I think about it. I wonder, "Did that just happen?" And God says, smiling, Yes, my child. I know what you need and when you need it. I see you.

This week's Bible study filled up and filled over the allotted time, as the women wrestled with God's Word, asking profound questions, sharing deeply from their hearts, wondering about the difference Jesus can make in one individual life. And I said, Yes, Lord! Your will be done right here on earth as it is in heaven.

Your turn. What does the Lord's Prayer mean to you? Are you surprised when God answers your prayer--or not?

"Why Women Matter to God" sermon audio by Suzanne Burden

2011-05-12T15:14:00.000-04:00

Here it is, friends. A message delivered last Sunday on Mother's Day. Please, spread the message far and wide. God has created every girl and woman in His image, as an ezer (Hebrew word in Genesis 2:18)--a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer in His Kingdom.

Is this message new to you? Comment below on the implications of every girl and woman being created as God's image-bearer and a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer in His Kingdom. Look forward to conversing here!

My first church sermon

2011-05-11T08:39:00.001-04:00

*NOTE: There was a hiccup with the audio file to this sermon. Thanks for your patience. The audio file will be posted here yet this week.*

Last Sunday, I preached for the first time in a church. It was a big deal, a game-changer in my life, if you will. And then again, it was as natural as breathing. Is this how one knows when she has found a sweet spot? A place where the world's hunger and a person's giftedness and passion meets?

Pastor Jim Kane, me, and David

The title of the sermon was "Why Women Matter to God," and in it we turned to the Genesis Creation story. We unpacked the amazing truth that we are made in the very image of God, of being created as God's ezers (the Hebrew word used when God created Eve), and we discussed how women are desperately needed in God's Kingdom.

The central truth: "Women are part of God's Plan A, fully equipped to do his good work."

One woman, who looked to be about 80, said afterwards: "Thank you--you helped me realize I'm still worth something." And my heart soared. I addressed the young girls in attendance, as well as the grown-up woman, and in a moment at the end as I asked the "ladies" to stand for a prayer of blessing, the girls elbowed each other until they stood up as well. A woman is an ezer--a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer--from the cradle to the grave, and I wanted all of them to know it. Our heavenly Father's intentions for His daughters were made known on Sunday, thanks be to God!

But there was also something happening in my heart, something I find hard to articulate. I know many dear brothers and sisters in Christ who do not believe a woman should preach in church--and quite honestly, many of them use particular Scriptures to back up their views. I understand where they are coming from, though of course I don't believe those passages, set in very particular contexts, mean that at all.

What I am trying to say is the road to my first sermon has been costly to me personally. But when I walked up to the front of the auditorium on Sunday, none of that mattered. It didn't enter my mind in the least. Instead of being silenced, I was set free to simply expound the Word of God to his sons and to his daughters.

"In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all peoples. Your sons and your daughters will prophesy. . . Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy."Acts 2:17-18

As I stood up to preach on Sunday, the prayers of many undergirded me, and I knew there were other women around the world approaching the pulpit as well. I know this because some of them have emailed or commented following the article on The Gifted for Leadership blog, and they remind me that being gifted to preach or teach is about faithfulness. A simple willingness to be used by God, to be obedient no matter what others think.

I have yet to meet a woman who is a leader in ministry for the wrong reasons. I'm sure there are some, but by and large, the women I meet have sacrificed greatly to use the gifts and express the calling God has traced on their hearts. It is not easy, but they choose faithfulness. Many of them switch denominations, lose friends or family relationships, and take poor-paying jobs that no one wants so they can serve the Lord with their gifts. I admire them—and though I don't know the specifics of what God is calling me to do yet, I pray for grace to simply obey.

Your turn. Do you believe women should fully use whatever gifts God has given them? If you do, are you still somewhat uncomfortable when a woman gets up to preach? Let's discuss with kindness and charity.

Pain as a Platform: My Article on Christianity Today's Gifted for Leadership blog

2011-05-05T08:26:00.000-04:00

In just three days, I will preach my first church sermon on Mother's Day. This in itself is a big deal, an earth-shattering experience of sorts. But the fact that I battle infertility ups the ante and has caused me to seek out answers to a woman's identity from God's Word.

The result is the sermon I will preach on Sunday, "Why Women Matter to God," to all of God's daughters. (Yes, I will try to post the audio to this sermon after Mother's Day.)

Read my article "Leading in the Midst of Woundedness" on Christianity Today's Gifted for Leadership blog for the rest of the story.

What about you? Are you leading or living from a place of pain? How has God transformed your areas of woundedness into opportunities for ministry?

Pastoral leadership perspective #3: He's a visionary

2011-04-26T10:30:00.000-04:00

Anthony Payton, Come As You Are Community Church

I once bumped into Pastor Anthony Payton at Starbucks. My friend Brooke and I were sitting right behind his table, chatting away about seminary stuff, and womanhood, and who knows what else. We were going a hundred miles an hour. I can't imagine what he must have been thinking of us as he tried to prepare his sermon for the following Sunday.

When I went to the restroom, Brooke struck up a conversation with him, and the rest is history. We learned he was working on a series titled "God's got an app for that," and we talked about seminary and ministry...and how God moved him from the mental health field to start a church. I think there were 12 people at the beginning, including his own family. Fifteen years later, there are about 600 people. As you can imagine, God took Anthony Payton's "OK, Lord," and ran with it.

Specifically, God built Rev. Payton as a visionary and an entrepreneur—and through an amazing story of recovery from addiction and faith in Christ, he gave him a platform and a ministry.

On Vision:
As Pastor Payton pointed out, churches that are predominately African-American in attendance tend to be pastor-centric, or based on the pastor's vision and leadership. For Anthony, this meant spending one week alone praying for God's vision for the ministry before it even started. The mission statement is reviewed every Sunday morning: Teaching saved souls to reach lost souls, by becoming fully devoted followers of Christ. The vision hasn't changed, except as it is influenced by the people the church had versus those they now have. For seven years, they sang with taped tracks only, a great sacrifice for their church. They started in a 3,000 square foot building, and now they own a 12,000 sf building where they lease out space to a charter school to pay down their debt. Anthony's goal: to transform their neighborhood as "their Jerusalem"—using the church's resources to reach people in their local area.

On Mentoring:
Not many people can say they've been training their eventual replacement for five years. Anthony has. In fact, he believes it's every pastor's responsibility to mentor his or her replacement. He also mentors young pastors in Brazil through mission trips, and he works to stay connected with the younger generation in his church, and to encourage their men and women in mentoring opportunities. Anthony believes he spends 75-80% of his time developing leaders.

On Being a Change Agent in the Community:
Anthony's vision to create a welcoming church that would become multicultural continues. That's why he sought out a retired Caucasian pastor and regularly invites people of different ethnicities into the church doors. When the church had the opportunity to buy an abandoned building, they did--then rented it out to businesses run by people of different ethnic groups. His philosophy: develop fully-devoted followers of Christ to launch them out to other places and ministries, as God calls.

Anthony's current challenge? Stop the flow of vision for awhile so the Lord can send people to administrate and oversee the ministries currently in place. While he waits, he continues to guide through his primary ministry of teaching and preaching.

Current leadership reading list:
The Law of Respect by John Maxwell
21 Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell
The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork by John Maxwell
favorite pick: The Key Principles to Take Your Business from Ordinary to Extraordinary by Frank I. Luntz

For pastoral leadership perspectives #1 and #2, click below:
perspective #1, Carla: She's a connector
perspective #2, Jim: He's an innovator

What are your thoughts on a pastor-centric church versus an elder-or-congregation led church? What other visionary/entrepreneurial opportunities have worked for a church near you?

Important Review of Love Wins

2011-04-13T10:19:00.000-04:00

Last week, I downloaded Love Wins to my Kindle. My husband and I started reading it together, a chapter here, a chapter there.

This book isn't even up for discussion in my seminary—it appears people assume Rob Bell is a heretic, so they simply don't want to read the book at all, or to enter into a discussion about it. "Rob Bell doesn't believe in Scripture." The end. And this, I fear, leads to an unhelpful climate, where we as Christians pretend we and others around us aren't asking questions about salvation, the questions about who is "in" and who is "out." Because people are asking these questions, for sure. The question is, will we be prepared to answer them?

I haven't finished the book myself yet, so reviewing it would be pointless. But I have gleaned some important insight into Love Wins from New Testament scholar, Scot McKnight. Scot considers himself an Anabaptist and knows the intricacies of the Jewish and Greco-Roman cultures as well as the Greek language, so he has incisive insights into Rob Bell's claims. Where they make sense biblically, and where his reasoning and approach fall short of the Bible's claims on the subjects of heaven and hell.

In the end, my hope is that Love Wins will drive us back to the Bible, where we discover a God who is both just and merciful. And a world that desperately needs us to embody the whole gospel—the love of Christ through our actions and through presenting the gospel, so that each person who chooses to can be saved through Christ.

Here is Scot's 6-part review:
Love Wins 1 - orthodox?
Love Wins 2 - hell
Love Wins 3 - questions
Love Wins 4 - where is heaven?
Love Wins 5 - hell
Love Wins 6 - universalism or libertarian free will?

Have you read Love Wins? Why do you believe the book has provoked so much controversy? What does a Christlike response to the book look like?

Half the Church Giveaway Winner

2011-04-08T15:21:00.007-04:00

I desperately wish I could send all of you a copy, but some of you will need to buy this one for yourself. The winner is....Brenda M.! Brenda, email me your address at suzanneburden @ gmail.com, and I'll send you the book.

Thank you, Martie, Holly, Brenda, Tom, Cal, Rebecca, Pam, blu wings, and Kaye. And now, your chance to watch two short videos that relate to men and women being set free to use their gifts together for God's Kingdom. Please watch and sound off on what you think by commenting.

The Half the Church video:

For more information on Half the Church, listen in to the 10-part Moody Midday Connection podcasts with author Carolyn Custis James here.

What do you think? What remains to be done to help men and women work together effectively for God's Kingdom?

Half the Church book review and giveaway: comment to win!

2011-04-06T08:19:00.000-04:00

*Giveaway open Wednesday, April 6 to Friday, April 8 - post a comment to enter (details below)*

This author has impacted my current journey into ministry more than any other. If that's not praise enough, in her new book Half the Church, Carolyn Custis James asks a bold and timely question about the body of Christ:

"Can the body do what it was created to do—can it even survive—if half of the body isn't fully functioning and the rest of the body is deprived of their ministries?"

Zondervan, Hardcover, $18.99

Here's why I believe you should read the book:
There are thousands of women often cited as exceptions who have fully owned their identity as God's full image-bearers and as "ezers" -- the strong Hebrew word God used when He created Eve, calling his daughters forth as warriors. (It is usually translated "helper," but a deeper study reveals there is more there than meets the eye.) I'm not talking about feminist theology, I'm talking about a strong biblical mandate for each of us to take an honest look at the Bible to determine who God says we are and what he is calling us to as women. As we join with our brothers as partners in bringing the gospel (both truth and acts of compassion and justice) to the broken around the world, we will rock God's Kingdom. Starting of course, in our homes and backyards. What could happen if we answer the call? This book will answer questions you didn't even know you had.

Here's the review I posted on amazon:
Carolyn Custis James' carefully-honed theology offers a razor-sharp look at God's vision for all of his daughters. What works for the Western middle-class women in the church pew must also work for the millions of women globally who suffer from sex-trafficking, forced marriage, genital mutilation, and more--or it doesn't work at all. The holistic gospel is the answer, and Half the Church proves it is possible to move past the tired complementarian/egalitarian debates to embrace God's indisputable blueprint for his image-bearers around the world. A must-read.

View the book video trailer here. Follow author Carolyn Custis James' blog here.

And here's your chance to win the book! Comment below by Friday, April 8, telling me why you want to read Half the Church. I'll pick a winner and announce by the end of the week.

"I will wait for you"

2011-04-04T20:39:00.000-04:00

A video for "single Christian ladies" that moved me to tears. I may not agree with this sister's every word, but in the main, she gets it and she's expressed the expectant ache of a Christian single desiring marriage...breathtakingly, achingly beautiful.

What moved you about this video? What do you agree or disagree with--both biblically and personally?

She shines: one woman in Nigeria

2011-04-01T12:32:00.004-04:00

*Every so often, I'll post "she shines" stories, featuring one woman God is using in His kingdom.*

Last night, Wycliffe Bible translator Rachelle Wenger blew me away. She rushed into our class with some of her Mennonite family members in tow--in a skirt, with a beautiful scarf wrapped around her hair as a head covering and a face that radiated joy.

In a class of 25 people, you could have heard a pin drop.

Rachelle is in white at the front of the photo. (wengerministries.org)

Rachelle explained that she is a 35-year-old missionary in Nigeria, where she ministers to the nomadic Fulani people, who are mainly Muslim. Her main work? Translating the Old Testament from Hebrew into the Fulani language. To accomplish this feat, she trained with Wycliffe and learned the Fulani language, but she also attended Hebrew University in Israel where she learned to speak and write fluent Hebrew. She also happens to know Greek--but only to write it, not to speak it fluently. And she says everyone should apply themselves to learn the biblical languages.

Her talk was colored with stories of tricky translation issues, with the joy of seeing some elements of the Old Testament culture firsthand in Nigeria, and with the adventure of engaging two Fulani to help her in translation efforts.

Many times she is the only Westerner in her area, but when asked if she ever feels isolated, she said no. The Fulani have loved and accepted her so well, although she is different, that she feels peace and joy in her work. I got the feeling Rachelle was born for this.

When I approached her afterward to thank her and to tell her how she shines with God's love, I mentioned that I knew very few women who are interested in studying biblical languages, and she seemed surprised. I mentioned that we need more women to learn them and to offer their unique perspectives on biblical scholarship, and she was unfazed. "Everyone should do this," she said. "Man or woman."

You can't fit Rachelle Wenger into a box or a category. I won't even try. But you can see her mind and her heart are wrapped up in a glorious calling that only the God of the universe could have prepared her for. Now I am happy to say I know a female Hebrew scholar, who resides in West Africa, with a calling that cannot be questioned.

Do you feel it's important to learn the biblical languages? In your opinion, what keeps many women (and men) from attempting this?

Half the Church: Book Review & Giveaway Coming April 6

2011-03-30T15:01:00.000-04:00

I just closed Half the Church. The book cover, that is. After reading Carolyn Custis James' latest book, I can say that it will clearly be my favorite book of the year. This paragraph alone may tell you why:

"When half the church holds back--whether by choice or because we have no choice--everybody loses and our mission suffers setbacks. Tragically, we are squandering the opportunity to display to an embattled world a gospel that causes both men and women to flourish and unites us in a Blessed Alliance that only the presence of Jesus can explain.

-Half the Church

We are living in a time when women have unprecedented opportunity--but men and women are still trying to figure out how to work together best in their homes, in their workplace...and especially in the church. Perhaps, like me, you will read Half the Church and come to believe that the gospel transcends the roles and categories with which we like to define ourselves.

God's Kingdom is advancing. The question is, are men and women cooperating in a fashion in which the body of Christ will simply limp along...or will we come together to do battle, presenting the whole gospel to the whole world?

Your turn. Biblically speaking, what do you believe is God's primary mission for women in His Kingdom?

Come back next Wednesday, April 6, to win a copy of Half the Church. (valued at $18.99)

Pastoral leadership perspective #2: He's an networker

2011-03-28T12:37:00.001-04:00

Jim flew this Diamond Eclipse for 30 minutes. A gift from his congregation!

When it comes to talking about himself, Pastor Jim Kane is decidedly understated. As a senior pastor of a rural congregation—First Church of God in Kendallville, Indiana—Jim has a surprising commitment to studying cutting-edge leadership in the church. In fact, he’s probably read more books on leadership than almost anyone I know, save a couple of professors. He’s also quite attached to his IPad, and you can easily connect with him on twitter. I know—you like him already, right?

The first thing I noticed about Jim is his focus on reciprocity. That’s a big word that simply means he seeks out and grows through interactions with others—and in turn, he’d like to encourage you to grow, too. We met up first on twitter, where Jim contacted me about grantwriting for his church. I encouraged him to seek out another person for his grant, but that one Skype call led to two growth opportunities for me: 1) I asked to interview Jim for my leadership paper; and 2) Jim asked me to preach at his church. As you can see, Jim is not only a networker and encourager, he is also brave.

Leadership in a Rural Church:

Jim pastors a church that almost shut its doors in 1999; he started his ministry there in 2000. Citing a resource that says a rural church takes about 15 years to turn around, Jim sees slow but steady growth in numbers—and more importantly, a change in the spiritual temperature of the church. As he models leadership for the church, he crafts his 30-minute sermons to include some evangelism, but mostly discipleship, as he teaches them how to become all God has created them to be. Additionally, Jim recognized the need to attract young people to the church and started a second service where a group of teens now lead contemporary worship music.

On Being a Change Agent:

Jim believes the core of the Christian life is about change: as we center on the life, death, and resurrection of Christ we proclaim change to the world. Jim does this through preaching, he does this through involvement in the community, and he encourages a “flattened-out” leadership approach”—informally mobilizing those with leadership gifts to offer what they have to the church. He’s an “early adopter,” always reading to learn about new ways to attract leaders to growth and service opportunities.

Advice for New Church Leaders:

For some reason, Jim’s simple answer to “listen” first sticks with me. He spent a year visiting attenders of his small, struggling congregation to get down to the pulse of the church, to listen to them so he could effectively lead them.

Current Reading List:

-Taking Your Church to the Next Level: What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Gary McIntosh

-Right Here, Right Now: Everyday Mission for Everyday People by Alan Hirsch and Lance Ford

-The Power of Asset Mapping: How the Congregation Can Act on Its Gifts by Luther K. Snow

-Your Church in Rhythm: The Forgotten Dimensions of Seasons and Cycles by Bruce B. Miller

Blogs He Follows:

-Will Mancini Clarity Evangelist - willmancini.com

-Michael Hyatt (CEO, Thomas Nelson Publishers) - michaelhyatt.com

-Samuel Bacharach (Professor of Labor Management, Cornell University) - sambacharach.com

-Alan Fadling (Spiritual Direction and Leadership Development) - alanfadling.com

Find Rev. Jim Kane on twitter.

Pastoral leadership perspective #3 coming soon: Anthony Payton

Your turn. What can you do in your sphere of influence to initiate change for Christ? Let's hear your tiny, small, medium-sized, and super-sized ideas, please. (Can I have fries with that?)

What the "Big-C" Church Does Right--and What We Need to Change

2011-03-14T09:46:00.004-04:00

Last week I got a birds-eye view into the North American Church. I peered into its denominations and the temperature of its services and its methods. I came back smiling—and the next minute asking myself how we can do better, how we can get it right.

My friend, author Don Piper (90 Minutes in Heaven), met David and me last week at Starbucks as he was passing through town. It was a real thrill to get to visit with him again. Don is a New York Times Bestselling Author, and his true story of death and life has captivated millions. (If that sounds like a spiel, it's because I marketed his book for three years while working at Baker Publishing Group. I thought the book sounded crazy myself until I actually read it.)

For the past several years, this former Southern Baptist pastor has been traveling around the country (and the world) talking about heaven and about what it takes to be right with God. He's spoken in megachurches and tiny churches--Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Assemblies of God, Presbyterian, Lutheran, the list goes on. You name it--he's preached there. He's got a way of fitting in wherever he goes, and I truly believe God's gifted him in this way.

So our questions to him were: What about the Big-C Church encourages you the most? What most needs to be improved?

Don was excited as he shared that people of all denominations are becoming more accepting of each other and their differences. For instance, he can tell a Baptist that he was at a charismatic church, and they will be excited for him, in many cases, and ask about his ministry there. Don speaks 200-300 x per year, so his observations are based on thousands of encounters. The church, he feels, is becoming more accepting of believers from all denominations.

But what needs to be improved? Don has noticed we are missing a "clarion call." We're missing a clear message to the world of what it means to be a Christ-follower and to join God's Kingdom. As my husband likes to say, the church should be "majoring on the majors, and minoring on the minors." And that is the problem, according to Don's observations. We're not doing that. We're muddying the waters, throwing in this and that, instead of clarifying the gospel for a world who desperately needs it.

So that's the bad news. The good news is that God has a plan to fix that. It involves you and me and everyone who has received Christ's love. We are to clarify the gospel, to be Jesus with skin on. We are the change.

In my humble opinion (and I believe I have Scripture on my side), we won't do that through politics. We won't do it through alienating people we don't agree with by legislating morality. We can only do it through loving. We can only do it through sacrifice and the modeling and teaching of repentance and restoration. We can only do it through loving the broken, as Jesus has called us to do. This is our clarion call. This is our Kingdom business. For better or worse, we are the workers God has chosen to get the job done. I pray we get it right.

Your turn. What do you think the Church is doing right? What do we need to improve on?

Pastoral leadership perspective #1: She's a connector

2011-03-09T12:02:00.001-05:00

Mention Carla Sunberg and most people in the Nazarene denomination probably know who she is. What makes her stick out from the pack is her tireless vision to see God's Kingdom advance and to shepherd His children to deepen their walk with Christ. She's fluent in three languages and currently pursuing her Ph.D in Historical Theology. (Her thesis: the influence of the Cappadocian church mothers on the early church.)

I suppose what makes her stick out all the more is that she's a pastor--and she's also a girl. For the majority of evangelical churches, that is an oxymoron. But that's not the point of this post. I'm simply naming the elephant in the room. For three years now, Carla has been modeling to me what it means to use leadership gifts in a feminine, life-giving way. I'll be forever grateful.

She's currently on staff at Grace Point Church of the Nazarene, where she serves as our Evangelism and Discipleship pastor. Here are some of her perspectives on leadership and change in today's church.

Leadership, Decentralized:

While churches all over are instituting formal leadership programs, Carla's approach is organic. She's been reading a book titled The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations—and she's come to see herself as a connector. By spotting the good (and the gifts) in individuals in the church body and bringing them together with people or ministries they may have synergy with, she's decentralizing church leadership. This is a non-forceful approach that offers opportunity by suggestion or invitation.

On Mentoring and Discipleship:

When Carla and her husband Chuck came to be pastors at our church five years ago, they joined a 75-year-old church with history and habits. Carla soon realized that instead of injecting discipleship opportunities mainly into the lives of well-established members, she'd get farther by inviting in new converts and attendees and discipling them from the start.

This led her to begin teaching a Sunday School class for seekers, new attendees, and those who don't feel comfortable elsewhere. She also started a BASICS class that she calls the DNA of the church: a 5-week opportunity to investigate the importance of the Bible, Accountability, Service, Intercession, and Community in our spiritual walk.

The approach: grow leaders from the bottom up, and they will in turn lead others to enter life with Christ.

Advice for New Church Leaders:

Carla's helpful advice for new pastors—when they interview you, they say they want change. Most likely, they don't. Go slow, come in and love on your people, understand their history, and eventually change will happen. "If they know you love them, they will follow you to the moon."

Current Reading List:

-Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D.

-On God and Christ: The Five Theological Orations and Two Letters to Cledonius by St. Gregory of Nazianzus

-Christianity in Action: The International History of the Salvation Army by Henry Gariepy

-The Sower: Redefining the Ministry of Raising Kingdom Resources by R. Scott Rodin & Gary G. Hoag

Find Rev. Carla Sunberg on facebook.

Pastoral leadership perspective #2 coming soon: Jim Kane

Your turn. How do you feel about the new trend toward decentralized leadership? Any other ideas about effective discipleship efforts in the church?

Half the Church: A Call for Every Woman...and Every Man

2011-03-04T14:21:00.001-05:00

Last night, I got home from class at 9:30 pm and there was a package from Zondervan sitting in our living room. I tore it open. Here's what I found inside:

Chapter five kept me up till...I don't know when. Here's the bottom line. God has a plan for his daughters. Millions of them are suffering around the world. Millions more are wondering what to do for God here in the U.S.--and in what roles they should go about doing it. This book bravely, and thoughtfully, answers that question.

Come back the week of April 4 for a full review and the chance to win a free copy. For now, noodle on this:

Male/female relationships are strategic. God laid out his game plan in Genesis, and the team he assembled to do the job was male and female. Men and women working together actually predates men working with men and women working with women. It would be one thing if God confined this male/female team to home and family and then mapped out the remaining territory into separate spheres for men and for women. But he didn't do that. Their mission--together--is to rule and subdue the whole earth on his behalf. Men and women together. Our relationships with God and with each other are the load-bearing walls of God's original design. -Half the Church: Rediscovering God's Global Vision for Women, page 139

Oh, yeah. And there's more where that came from, too. Whether you consider yourself a complementarian or an egalitarian (and I don't like either of the labels, personally), you'll be amazed at the razor-sharp theology James has mined from Scripture's pages. If I were you I wouldn't even wait for the chance to win a giveaway copy. Only $12.39 on Amazon. I should get a commission. I'm that excited about what could happen if "half the church" (that's us, ladies) gets on board with God's Kingdom mission.

Male or female, how are you currently joining with the opposite gender to do God's Kingdom work at home, work, in ministry, etc? What are the results?

Coming soon: 3 pastoral perspectives on leadership

2011-03-01T21:15:00.003-05:00

You're about to be blessed . . . and challenged. I recently interviewed three pastors in very different situations to get their insights on leadership and change in their churches. Over the next few weeks, I'll be highlighting their ministries and their leadership philosophies, in the order I interviewed them.

Pastor #1: Carla Sunberg
Pastor Carla heads up evangelism and discipleship activities at our church, Grace Point. She's got a passion for mentoring women and a vision to see God's church become all it can be in our world.

Pastor Carla, evangelism and discipleship

Pastor #2: Jim Kane
Pastor Jim sometimes calls himself the "smalltown pastor" and heads up a small Indiana congregation with innovative strategies that contribute to slow but steady growth in his rural church.

Jim Kane, rural pastor

Pastor #3: Anthony Payton
Pastor Anthony leads Come As You Are Community Church, a growing multi-cultural body that uses entrepreneurship and discipleship to engage the community around them. The results have been truly inspiring.

Pastor Payton in action

Y'all come back to hear their diverse perspectives on leadership, mentoring, being a change agent, advice for someone new to the pastorate, and more.

For anyone who needs a taste of Psalm 23

2011-02-26T09:14:00.005-05:00

"God is my shepherd, I won't be wanting..."

My friend, Leigh McLeroy, posted this song by musician Jon Foreman in her Wednesday Words enewsletter, and it calmed my soul.

I hope it calms yours, too.

You may be experiencing tremendous loss. Inexplicable health problems. Ministry challenges that tie your heart in knots.

Whatever it is, if you know Jesus, God is your Shepherd. He longs to lead you beside still waters. To restore your soul. Listen, and may your soul be revived.

Are you in a season of quiet waters or raging currents? How does Psalm 23 speak to your soul?

One anonymous blog comment too many

2011-02-22T14:15:00.001-05:00

A few days ago, an anonymous commenter dropped a comment on the "Pink Flamingos in a Sea of Blue Herons" piece I wrote. Said comment doesn't really require a response:
1 Corinthians 14:34-35 KJV Posted by: Man of God on February 19, 2011

It was just a warning to tell me I should be silent in the church, and in a preaching class, if I take the King James Version translation of the Bible seriously. It took him all of three seconds to write it. It took me all of three seconds to be steamed by it.

Here's why I didn't post a comment to follow it:

Man of God did not have the courage to tell me who he is. Unfortunately, this is not a trait I would associate with a "man of God." To have a conversation, I deserve to know who I am conversing with.
Man of God doesn't want to dialogue. He just wants to wield Scripture verses like a sword. So it's unlikely he'll care at all if I point out that Paul instructed women in his culture on "how" they should pray and prophesy in public in 1 Corinthians 11. He doesn't care to discuss or to dive in deeper, to have a thoughtful conversation on why two passages in the same letter seem to contradict each other, so responding would be fruitless.
The awful truth is, I was PMSing at the time, and I didn't believe my response would be redemptive, but reactive.

There you have it. That is my take on "Man of God." I do need to thank him for one thing. He got me thinking about the harm we cause by "drive-by" comments. Posting anonymously to make a point, without bringing ourselves into the light, without offering the love of Christ, doesn't help anybody, no matter what their viewpoint might be. I want desperately to discuss the difficult issues of the Christian faith with the wider body beyond my church. But in doing so, my speech must be kind, loving, and redemptive. Yes, ESPECIALLY on the Internet.

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."

-Colossians 4:6 ESV

Have you experienced painful "drive-by" comments? Do you believe we should reveal our identities when commenting on posts? Why or why not?

What Shakertown Taught Me About Bad Theology

2011-02-17T07:30:00.021-05:00

Last weekend, the husband and I escaped into a different world in only four hours. No kidding. We stayed at the Pleasant Hill Shaker Village in Harroldsburg, Kentucky--a place that at one time boasted a community of 500 individuals of the Shaker religious faith. Inevitably, they eventually died out. That's what happens when members are required to take a vow of celibacy.

Kentucky historians chose to restore these simple, beautiful buildings, starting in the 1960s and 1970s. Things are peaceful there: with wood pegs surrounding your room to hang all your earthly possessions on, useful and beautiful furniture and implements, and cows, horses, and goats grazing. You can pretend that the world is not insane, even if your room does boast a small flat-screen television (without cable).

The Shakers sustained themselves over the years by taking in widows, widowers, and orphans--often the "least of these" in their society.

They were kind and charitable to many, efficient and practical in every endeavor, and known for their expressive worship. Houses here contained what came to be known as "families"--women staying on the left side, men on the right. They did many things right--and a few things very wrong, from what I can see.

Ann Lee, exhibiting perfection!

You see, starting the whole deal in England in 1747 was the obscure founder, a Quaker woman by the name of Mother Ann Lee. Her views were rejected the the Quaker Society of Friends, so Ann determined she'd start a new religious order. This is where things get scary. From then on, Ann was known as the "daughter of God" in the same sense that "Jesus is the Son of God." They took the New Testament principle of giving up their goods and having everything in common extremely seriously. Ageism was not a worry--every member was valued. Since they believed they were already living in the Millennial Kingdom on earth, marriage was not allowed. There were healings, prophecies, revelation, and for Ann herself--a clairvoyance that seemed to allow her to predict the future.

The order moved to the States and continued to grow, spanning multiple locations. As with all great tragedies illuminated by history, the rise of Shakerism grew from bad leadership. Ann's theology was a mix of biblical truth, ecstatic fury, and even a mean perfectionism. There was something to be said for communal living, something that seems laughable to Americans today. But how God must have wept as a woman named Ann tried to exalt herself as divine, sought to desecrate marriage--a relational reminder that illstrates God's love for His church, and tried to fashion each Shaker into a person who only does any task with absolute perfection.

I believe I know why she did it. And bad theology has everything to do with it.

She wanted people to see that Christ's image needed to be displayed "in the female." From their "Millennial Church" booklet, a case is made that women prophetesses and leaders in the Bible proved that Jesus must have a divine female counterpart who just happened to be Ann. (God does offer fatherly and motherly care for each of us--but Scripture doesn't indicate an additional "female" representation of Jesus. She made that part up.) What started as one woman's yearning for equality evolved into a twisting of theology. Heaven help us, men and women alike, that we discern God's Word correctly, and rightly divide the Word of truth. The over 150 years of Shakers history are proof: it can be tough to "shake" bad theology. Thankfully, we have the assurance that God's Word never changes. I, for one, pray for wisdom to truly accept it and obey it.

How has your life been impacted by bad theology? How has correct theology set you free in Christ?

My Preaching Class Adventures on Christianity Today's Gifted for Leadership Blog

2011-02-15T11:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, you've probably read about some of this before, minus the pink flamingo part. Enjoy! And by all means, please comment on their blog. :)

A Pink Flamingo in a Sea of Blue Herons
by Suzanne Burden

Was Jesus balanced--or integrated?

2011-02-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

I've been using the word "balance" for years. But I'm not sure the concept of balance actually works.

I've got to learn how to balance my work, social, and ministry lives.
I'm off-balance and had to pull out of that activity.
What we need is a more balanced approach.

Sound familiar?

Recently my friend Mary Byers shared this quote:
"Forget the idea of balancing work and family. Think of "integrating" instead, making everything and everyone an important part of a holistic life."
-Julia Klein

Let's take the example of Jesus, for instance. I can't say He was your average well-balanced individual. He made fresh wine for people who already had enough alcohol. He miraculously created food for huge, untenable groups of people who were hungry. He healed those he chose to heal, then ducked into anonymity to protect himself. He withdrew to mountaintops for prayer when needed. He said "he had food to eat you know nothing about" and skipped meals. But that was nothing compared to his 40-day temptation in the wilderness where he ate nary a morsel. He wept at the death of His friend Lazarus. And he stayed up all night sweating drops of blood before His impeding crucifixion. He told truth in subversive stories many didn't understand and ate with those the prevailing religious culture deemed "most unacceptable."

He wasn't balanced. But He was full of the rhythms of grace. "I have come that you might have life, and that you might have it to the full," he said. He was fully present in every moment and ready for what each situation required. His integrated life reeked of wholeness and holiness, the gift of His presence and the withdrawal from activity when needed. He was fully integrated.

In the quiet moments, isn't this what our hearts truly long for? In my prayer times, I sensed God was giving me the word ENJOY for 2011. My life is made up of a thousand different pieces, and my usual course is to run around frantically, to procrastinate, to obsess, and to stay on the treadmill. Instead, I am trying to rejoice in the Lord in every activity (Philippians 4:4).

I enjoy the food he provides me at breakfast. I delight in a client Skype meeting, the stringing together of words for a project, the simple joy of baking gluten-free scones that will nourish my body and encourage others. I stay in the moment, lingering, until the next activity or person calls me on. No day is perfectly integrated, but with God's help, I am moving more gracefully, responding more holistically. I am enjoying the abundant life He designed me for.

Are you trying to integrate your life? What obstacles--and joys--do you face?

Church for every woman

2011-01-26T16:51:00.004-05:00

You are married and single, career women, homeschooling and full-time working mothers, grad students, professional counselors, church and ministry leaders, supermoms and supergrandmoms, and homemakers extraordinaire.

You are the "everywoman" in the church pew, and last week when I posted on how it feels to be an Atypical woman in the pew, you responded. What you said in the comments section and the church hallways surprised me.

It isn't just the single and the childless who often feel the sting of not fitting in when they approach the church doors. It's all of us. Whether you fit into a church's biggest demographic or not. Whether you are young or old. Whether you have ankle-biters pulling on your yoga pants or a boss pushing you to work 50 hours a week. You feel it. But like me, I don't think you talk about it much.

I think Pam described the problem best:
You asked what the church might start doing differently to welcome every woman. One thing is to stop pitting us against each other by emphasizing how we're different. I may have more in common with scholars and career women than with a homeschooling mother of six, but I know I have much to learn from her--and perhaps she might gain from that interaction as well. But as long as churches define womanhood narrowly by marital/parental/career status, we will always be at odds with those whose situations are different from our own.

Despite all those differences, we still share so much in common. What we really need is the support of other women, but we won't be able to give our sisters that support if we can't get past those differences.

In Anne Jackson's honest (and frankly tear-provoking) book and website about the church, Permission to Speak Freely, she talks about the "gift of going second." I wonder what would happen if we as women in the church approached other women who are probably feeling alone as well and started a conversation. Any conversation. If we opened up, perhaps they would follow.

If our Bible studies and outreaches were designed to help us find common ground, if leaders got up and talked very openly about their struggles to fit in and to be a part of a diverse community, to make the church a place where we live, eat, and breathe together, things can change.

This is the vision Jesus had for all of his daughters and for the church as the whole. Sometimes we will have to do parts of our lives alone, but I believe the church was and is God's answer to loneliness. We just have to start acting like it, with the Holy Spirit's help.

I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder when I attended last weekend's women's ministry retreat. My demeanor changed when the speaker, a woman who is so put together and seemingly perfect, started talking about periods of deep heartbreak, temptations to sin, and a God who is constant through it all. I led the discussion around my table with five women at completely different places in life, and one woman, with whom I outwardly appear to have nothing in common, encouraged me the most. Barb was quiet and unassuming, a servant with a deep joy behind her eyes that gives hope to all who come in contact with her. I'd never have met her otherwise. And that, sisters, would have been a real shame.

What are you willing to risk to reach out to other women at church? What might that look like? Let's keep the conversation going.

Atypical woman in the pew

2011-01-21T10:46:00.001-05:00

I've been surrounded by church ladies my whole life. But I don't feel like one of them.

Does a church lady eat mostly plant-based meals? Does she do yoga? Does she study theology in seminary? Does she feel more comfortable in Barnes and Noble than at a women's ministry event? Is her favorite color RED?

Not according to stereotypical perceptions. I suppose I realized how much I broke the mold when I was invited to a "mom's night out" at my church--the church's ongoing social offering for women--after getting married at age 35. I explained that I had no children and asked if the event might be changed to "ladies' night out" so that singles and infertiles and married women could be included. The answer was no. I begged off.

Since that time, I've joined the "currently infertile" category, which only makes the designation sting more. There's got to be a better way to bridge the gap across generation and circumstance--a way that every woman would be welcomed at the church of the living God. I'm happy to tell you, there is.

When God named your grandmother Eve an "ezer" (Hebrew word) in Genesis 2:18, you earned your seat at the table, sister. You are a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer, fit for Kingdom service. Married or no. Mother or not. Professional or homemaker extraordinaire. (See this video for details on what it means to be an ezer.) You belong. Don't let any woman (or man) tell you otherwise.

In the spirit of celebrating the atypical woman in the pew, I'm going to a woman's event at my church this weekend. I'm thinking positive thoughts, believing that Jesus in me might draw other atypical women into the conversation. That we might be celebrated, enjoyed, and encouraged. There is room for us at the table. Perhaps we just need to insist on it and pull up some chairs.

Tell me about your experience as an atypical woman in church. How might we encourage our churches to invite all of God's daughters to the table?

Notable Quotable: Eugene Peterson

2011-01-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

"I work with words, in pastoring I work with people, but not mere words or mere people, but words and people as carriers of Spirit. The moment words are used prayerlessly, or people are treated prayerlessly, something essential seems to leak out of life."

Honesty v. Humility: how much should a Christian share?

2011-01-14T12:54:00.000-05:00

Yes, we need to share our stories. I believe it, believe it in my bones. But at what point does sharing become oversharing? At what point does sharing = pride?

Last Sunday, I posted about a personal experience that showed me how costly love can be. And then I read Matthew 6 this morning--you know, Jesus' instruction on "not practicing your righteousness before other people to be seen by them." And it made me second-guess my blog post, honestly. It made me squirm. It made me feel like I was parading my "righteousness" in front of you.

But that wasn't my intent. My heart's cry was that all of us would learn to "be moved to compassion" for the broken; that we would take Scripture seriously and go outside of our comfort zones to love sacrificially and often. God knows my heart, and He knows yours. He knows our motives and discerns our intentions. Even better than we do. And for that I praise Him. And as I praise Him, I get down on my knees and ask: what do you want others to know through my story? What I can share that will enhance Your reputation, Father?

So let's hear from you. How much of your story should others hear through your blog or ministry? What is off-limits? What is appropriate to share for the growth and encouragement of others--even if it makes you uncomfortable? Do tell.

Loving You Is . . . Costly

2011-01-09T22:27:00.000-05:00

Hey Suzie
I love you. Thank you for all you do. I know my God now thanks to you. Your a blessing.

Just today I read this note from someone I've been introducing Jesus to for the last six months or so. I'd have to say that up until 2010 I hadn't taken Jesus' commands to help the poor and the broken seriously. But through a supernatural chain of events, I started leading a Bible study for women in drug and alcohol recovery, and the Holy Spirit's been revealing just how messed up my priorities can be. The result is that my Wednesday morning Bible study has become the highlight of my week. I just show up, really, and offer love and dignity, pointing others to the truth and light of Scripture, and the Spirit does the rest.

Anyway, this year I watched the gospel of John split this young woman's heart open. And I watched her begin to respond to Jesus' pure offer of love, and the movement was significant. It brought deep joy to me and to many others around her. So it's no exaggeration to say I was torn, bummed, distraught, and fearful when the young woman left the facility I was ministering at without a goodbye. There are many reasons this made me want to cry and scream, but suffice it to say, loving someone in recovery holds a lot of ups and downs. Actually, loving someone--period--holds a lot of ups and downs.

But without time for even a tear, I walked into Bible study with a new set of women searching for hope and love and Jesus. Searching, period. And then two weeks later, I open this Christmas card, which apparently I had not read, and I see the inscription above from the young woman I mentioned. And my heart melts. And I remember what Jesus said in Matthew 25:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

Of all people, Jesus understands . . . loving can be costly. But every hug, word of truth, visit, note, encouragement done in His name ushers in the Kingdom we say we're a part of. Count me in, no matter how costly. What about you? What are you willing to give relationally for the sake of God's Kingdom?

Why I edit my life . . . and other mysteries

2011-01-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

Over New Year's, my husband and I spent time in a usual up-north location with our usual friends, Jack and Lahree. These friends of ours are priceless, really beautiful souls, and I've been spending the New Year's holiday with them for years.

These priceless friends are dear partly because of the hell they've experienced. I didn't expect to use "h-e-double hockey sticks," but there you have it. I got to know them just as their 17-year-old daughter experienced a traumatic accident that left her brain-injured for life. We heard more of the story this last weekend, in one of our long talks in the cabin, as we chewed over God's involvement in the most excruciating times.

The way they walked through this pain, and having to find care for her, etc., taught them how to live with a brokenness that continues to sting, how to be grateful for God's goodness while so many dreams were dashed. And because depression and physical challenges have brought me a fair share of brokenness, too, their journey has inspired me. But that's not the end of the story.

Just a month before I got married in 2008, something tragic happened on Easter morning. Jack, who is the most athletic man I know, collapsed of a massive heartache. He went without oxygen for quite a period of time until an ambulance rushed him to the hospital. Honestly, it didn't look good. There was a small chance he might make it. David and I were in shock. After losing my Dad the previous summer, Jack was on tap to walk me down the aisle at our wedding. Suffice it to say, in a twist that can only be termed miraculous, Jack woke up, had major bypass surgery, and recovered to walk me down the aisle ONE MONTH LATER. I still, to this day, cannot believe it. Lord, have mercy. The Lord had mercy!

But what stunned me again in all its plainness was something Jack said this last weekend. He talked about how joy and pain coexist in the same room for him, how they mingle together in all their intensity. And it got me thinking about life. How I'm afraid to blog because I might offend this group or that group. The people who believe women should minister and those who don't. The Nazarenes or the Baptists. Liberals and conservatives. The high school facebook friends who knew me in a former life or the seminary students who know me in this one. The addicts in recovery I minister to or the churchified people I've come to love.

And it all felt rather silly, to be honest. The story God calls each of us to is distinctive, filled with deep joy and often-times deep heart surgery that occurs through searing pain, but no matter what our stories look like, it feels as if they need to be told. It feels as though I need to let mine be aired out, understood, appreciated for the way God's movement runs through it, sometimes appearing clear and sometimes cloudy, but always for my good and the good of His Bigger Story.

So I'm praying for help in sharing more of my heart through this blog, through my teaching, through my writing, through my life. It might not always look pretty. It might at times even be shocking. But it will be true. And redemptive. I'd like to stop editing my life to please the masses. I'd like to believe that God gave me this particular story for a reason--and with His help and discernment, I'd like to allow Him to use it.

Are you with me? What have you "edited" in your life that might bring hope, resolve, comfort, or understanding to others? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

A poem for 2011

2011-01-04T11:15:00.001-05:00

A poem from my journal dated 1/1/11:

Your Word
brings light
power
change
repentance
newness--
and I want it,
Your Word.
I want my story to be
part of Your story.
I want people to
experience Your Love.
I want smaller disasters
to end in a bigger victory.
I want still waters;
quiet pastures;
and the raw strength of a God
who can help me scale a wall.
High places or low,
medication or no,
I love Your law.
It is a gift
whose blinding light is most appreciated
when it is absent.
I need more of it:
in the morning
at noon
with a client
in the classroom.
Oh, help me not be satisfied
with lesser things,
when your Word
is the thing I need.

Notable Quotable on Generosity: AW Tozer

2010-12-03T12:05:00.000-05:00

"Some of us put our offering into the plate with a triumphant bounce as much as to say: "There--now God will feel better!"... I am obliged to tell you that God does not need anything you have ... It is your own spiritual welfare at stake in such matters as these ... You have the right to keep what you have all to yourself--but it will rust and decay, and ultimately ruin you."

-AW Tozer, Christ the Eternal Son

Sermon #2

2010-11-30T08:03:00.005-05:00

Sweating as my stomach did flip-flops, I marveled at my stage fright before last Tuesday's sermon #2. Surely by now I had established that the males in my class were friendly fellows. Encouraging, even. So I relied on the deep breathing exercises that reduce anxiety as I watched a fellow student preach. I wanted to break out into full-fledged yoga stretches, but refrained. Mercifully, I was second in line.

I shared a story from Debbie Alsdorf's book Deeper, about how her pastor-husband left her with two small boys, and her world shattered in an instant. I told them how Debbie's body couldn't handle an antidepressant of any kind, and of how Debbie's well-meaning friend suggested she read Psalm 139 throughout the day. Debbie was desperate, so she copied the passage at Kinko's and read it morning, noon, and night. She even set a stopwatch to remind her to read it more often. About three weeks in, her depression began to lift. She read it like this for one full year and God restored her life, and helped her to understand that He created her and is always protecting her.

My central truth: "These precious pages protect us." I talked about Psalm 19:7-11 and the over-the-top descriptions David used to describe God's Word.

In an attempt to describe my first point, that God's Word can be trusted to bring virtue to our lives, I talked about verse 7, where "refreshing the soul" means it preserves and rescues my life. I spoke of how we are all the "simple" or the morally inexperienced.

I told of a friend in addiction recovery who moved away from casual hookups to finding the hope she needed in the truth of God's Word. The power in this book to change our lives is palpable, true, amazing. (Just watch the movie Book of Eli if you want a visual picture.)

Second, I shared how God's Word brings priceless value to our lives. The most precious substances in the Near East -- gold and honey -- couldn't compare in David's mind with the value of God's law. "By them is your servant warned, and in keeping them there is great reward."

Honoring God's Word actually saves our skin! The Bible is not a battering ram, although unfortunately, some of us have felt bruised rather than blessed when others use it inappropriately. Instead, it is God's gift to us. Infinitely valuable, precious, and needed. It should have the effect of making our hearts happy and of giving light to whatever path we are on (v. 8).

These precious pages protect us. The challenge is to study and value them on the heart level, so that when a crisis hits the fan, we are armed and ready.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so my sweating stopped and my quivery stomach stilled. As I looked up, my professor offered words of praise and encouragement that literally blew my mind. Is it a testament to my femaleness that I told him I wasn't that good? I wanted to get down on my knees and to thank my heavenly Father for bringing me this far, for showing me that His daughters can offer biblical truth in a truly feminine and excellent way. And so I thank Him now. Thank you, Father. Girls matter in your Kingdom. I'm starting to see that ever-more-clearly now.

Are you searching for the biblical support for women speaking in the church? I recommend this informative and well-researched article, Unmuted, from Dale & Jonalyn Fincher.

Thanks Be!

2010-11-23T09:25:00.009-05:00

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone." ~G.B. Stern

I am grateful. And I choose gratefulness over pessimism. I choose the glass half full over the half empty. I choose merrymaking over misery.

This is my God-given right, and because of what God has done on my behalf, it is also my inheritance. I pooh-pooh the psychologists who say my happy factor is a function of genetics and in-bred temperament. They haven't seen my dark moments. My losses. My dead ends. Or the multiple times my heart was severed in two.

"Choose hope," says author Leigh McLeroy's friend in The Beautiful Ache. "It's entirely reasonable."

Daily, we choose whether to curse the darkness or to be thankful for the light. Gratitude is a choice, one that we can make moment-to-moment, one that has the power to change us -- and in so doing, to advance God's Kingdom in ways we never dreamed possible.

People who know this have the power to change things, simply by allowing the Holy Spirit to redirect their thinking--and in so doing to redirect their heart.

the Apostle Paul wrote "Rejoice in the Lord always!" while in prison chains
Corrie Ten Boom and her sister thanked God for a tick-infested room at a Nazi concentration camp, because it allowed them to read the Bible in peace
Mary the mother of Jesus, shamed by her out-of-wedlock pregnancy, said her "spirit rejoiced in God my Savior"

These ones, and millions of others, know the end of the story. God wins! And because of the sweetness of His promises and His presence, I choose to focus on this week's gratitude-givers:

the unexpected anticipation of preaching my second sermon to a classroom of men tonight
the joy on the faces of the elderly to whom my husband and I served a Thanksgiving dinner last night
after that, the balmy weather that led us out of our living room into a beautiful nighttime stroll
the giving of thanks time at this week's Bible study for women in recovery
Thursday's thanksgiving meal with family, an enticement for us to remember what God has blessed us with so we can share
tucking my two nieces and my nephew in Friday night when they visit, and waking with them early for buckwheat pancakes

What about you? Because of what Jesus has done on our behalf, our spirits can dwell secure, leaving our hearts free to soar in gratitude. Let's hear your "gratitude-givers" below.

Who is Jesus to you?

2010-11-16T09:49:00.003-05:00

"Who is Jesus to you?" I asked, as we wrapped up last week's Biblestudy. I know the answers I receive this week might not be Scripturally sound. And I am OK with that. Because coming to Jesus with all of our junk can be a messy process, a journey in which He draws us into His open embrace. In which He becomes real to us, and His revolutionary message of deliverance pierces us, changing our hearts and lives.

Contrary
Winsome
Loving
Firm

Revolutionary
Grace-giver
Teacher
Carpenter

Holy
Human
Brother
Lord

The Sovereign
with Skin on
Deliverer
Friend

[picture credit: 6th-century mosaic of Jesus at Basilica of Sant'Apollinare Nuovo in Ravenna. No undisputed record of what Jesus looked like is known to exist.]

We are reading the gospel of John in Biblestudy, and Jesus is surprising us. He's surprising me, too, though I've been in church all my life. As one girl put it, "Jesus is getting awfully witty and sarcastic." We see His tenderness with the Samaritan woman at the well and with others who are broken and sick, and then we watch Him thunder down on the Pharisees in all their self-righteousness, and we stand in awe.

CS Lewis wrote that Jesus Christ is either a liar, a lunatic, or LORD. When I think of Jesus, I think of a Savior, Healer, and Defender. God who comes near, and who literally saved me out of the deep places of depression and anxiety I have experienced. I love how singer Nicole Mullen responds to how she knows Jesus lives in the song My Redeemer Lives: "I spoke with Him this morning."

"Who is Jesus to you?" Look forward to reading your comments.

My first sermon

2010-11-06T10:25:00.003-04:00

My first sermon was delivered to a sea of testosterone Tuesday night. (Yes, my preaching class is male with one notable exception. Smile.) What might surprise you, though, is that I actually referenced the terms menopause and monthly cycle in my sermon. Really.

My central point was that TRUE FAITH GROWS STRONGER THROUGH TESTING. And so I moved through Genesis 18:1-15, talking about the three visitors who came to Abraham and Sarah, their hospitality, and Sarah's laughter when they said she would have delivered a baby boy one year from then.

I explained Sarah's lifetime of infertility, the grief that flooded her being each month when she received her monthly cycle, and how decade after decade went by with no baby, a deep shame in her society. I mean, we know Sarah was an amazingly beautiful woman, but I think if she could have summed up her life to that point in two words she might say: ABJECT FAILURE.

So by the time these three guys (the Lord and two angels) show up on the scene, she is 89 years of age. She hears their prediction, and instead of crying the hot tears that had filled her childbearing years, she does what comes instinctively. She laughs at the preposterousness of it all. I would have, too, I fear. True faith is exposed in a moment. Sarah's faith was still in the incubation stage.

So God ups the ante. If we were to say it in today's lingo, in order to capture God's emphaticness and a fuller meaning of the text's intention, we would say, "Why in the world did Sarah laugh? Is anything too wonderful, extraordinary, or amazing for the Lord?"

The truth is, Sarah is still hiding by the tent, but she cannot stand it. She cannot take the heat. So she blurts: "Really, I did not laugh." And God nails her to the wall: "Actually, you did."

Now all of this would be truly sad if God wasn't up to something big. If He wasn't growing up Sarah and Abraham's faith. But He did exactly that. The New Testament sheds light on Sarah's growth in Hebrews 11:11 (RSV): "By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised."

To be honest, Sarah and Abraham make a great pair. God told him in the previous chapter that Sarah would have a son, and he rolled on the ground, laughing. But shriveled-up uteruses and failed dreams are nothing for the God who hung the moon and created our inmost being. Scholars think part of the reason God exposed Sarah and Abraham here was to grow their faith. The other? Quite possibly, to remind them to have sex at 89 and 99 years of age, respectively. To do their part to usher in the unthinkable promise.

True faith does grow stronger through testing. Abraham and Sarah are proof positive.

---------------------------------------
The sermon was well-received, and the pastor evaluating us encouraged me to preach it again, but next time, even more from Sarah's perspective (which is somewhat reflected above). He made me realize that I was the only one in the class who could preach it that way. I'm surprised to be saying this, but God is using the 20 males in my preaching class to challenge, encourage, and grow me in ways I never anticipated. Abba really does know what He is doing. Always.

Notable Quotable: Ken Gire

2010-10-25T13:04:00.000-04:00

"When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But He doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, He sifts through the rubble and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project--a mosaic that tells the story of redemption."

Do you agree? How might your personal suffering tell the story of redemption? Do tell...

Do angels believe in you?

2010-10-22T09:42:00.020-04:00

That's right. I believe angels exist whether you believe in them or not. But do angels believe IN YOU?

A few weeks ago, my mom pulled into the Arby's drive-thru and waited and waited for the van in front of her at the window to pull forward. A woman got out of the van, obviously in deep distress--and mom, seeking to comfort her, got out of her Taurus and offered her . . . coupons. The woman said she had no money, no way to get food, and so she was going to go inside the restaurant to ask if they would give her something to eat.

Compelled to act, mom handed her $5. The van pulled through and took off without mom getting any further details on their plight. When mom pulled up to the drive-thru, however, she was told that someone had paid for whatever she wanted to order. She was shocked. Now, is it possible that someone saw her comforting that woman and interceded to reward the kindness of a stranger? And is it also possible that something supernatural was going on? That God was showing up through an angel to remind mom and all of us to be loving givers who go about doing good? I believe only God knows for sure.

"Keep on loving each other as brothers, for by so doing, some have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:1-2

We've been studying angelology, or the study of angels, in my systematic theology class. One of the things that has surprised me the most is that I'm a little jealous of the angels, to be honest. I mean, we learn from the Bible that God created us as humans in His image, and we sometimes feel this tremendous pride and awe because of it. Now to study how God created angels, and how they get to fight the good fight in the spiritual realm, is a little crazy to contemplate. Honestly, we either think about angels too little or too much it seems to me.

They are not worthy of our worship; only God is. Still, they are His messengers, and they do protect us and work among us, though as one scholar notes, they more likely offer "zone" rather than "one-on-one" protection. Nowhere in the Bible does it indicate we have a personal guardian angel.

Definition of angels – A biblical term describing God’s messengers or ambassadors, belonging to his heavenly court and service. They are non-human beings created with personality who assist in Christ’s work of reconciliation— praising Him in heaven, and doing His will on earth.[i]

It's interesting to note that the Bible's description of angels, for whatever reason, seems to describe them as distinctly male. We have Michael the archangel who leads the angelic armies against Satan and Gabriel, the angel who announced the Virgin Birth.

An author friend of mine, Trudy Harris, wrote a compelling book called Glimpses of Heaven. As a hospice nurse, she shares the dying stories of many who experienced supernatural events in their last days and hours. At first she thought many of them were just dehydrated or medicated when seeing visions of angels at the foot of their bed, until she realized patients across the board were having these types of experiences. Interestingly enough, the patients always insisted that these angels were tall, dressed in white, and distinctly male. Even when Trudy prodded them, asking if they were sure.

Angels remind us that we are in a battle of spiritual wills--Satan, the fallen angel has come to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus has come that we may have life, and have it abundantly. His heavenly messengers fight on our behalf and bring glory and praise to the One who was poured out for us. I, for one, am grateful.

And let me assure you: as God's messengers of reconciliation, angels most certainly believe in you--while giving all glory and praise to the One who was slain.

"And they were calling to one another: holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." Isaiah 6:3

[i] Elwell, Walter A. Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, (Baker Reference Library). 2nd ed. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Academic, 2001, 60.

Seminary word of the week #2

2010-10-08T09:52:00.002-04:00

tes·ti·mon·i·um

a) Word used by a junior high youth leader when asking for testimonies from the group: "Dude, anybody up for a testimonium?"

b) A word of Christian testimony that includes the use of a musical instrument, preferably a harmonica.

c) The internal testimony of the Spirit to confirm within us the reliability of the Scripture, giving us certainty that the Bible is the Word of God.

Note: if this were a quiz and you didn't guess "c," you would be hopelessly wrong.

So what do you think about the concept of testimonium? Have you personally experienced it?

Things I Learn in Preaching Class

2010-10-06T09:40:00.003-04:00

Last night in preaching class, I learned that I can get 10 out of 12 on a quiz and live to tell about it. That I can refuse my perfectionistic tendencies and embrace the fact that I am learning. That I can get an imperfect score on a quiz and still become a better and better preacher of His Word, by God's grace.

I am also learning that I have true friends and cheerleaders in the many males who populate the class. We are all in this together, in such a positive way, and since the preaching experience can be so scary and overwhelming and huge (as in, I have to GET THIS for my ministry), we commiserate and grow together. We are stronger because of the community aspect of the class. For which I thank God.

For awhile now, I think I have believed (without admitting it to myself), that men can teach and preach better than women, that they somehow carry more authority in their preaching. They have stronger voices and heartier constitutions, etc., but this is not all of it. This is the way I have been raised to think, of course, and so I, unconsciously, do.

I am starting to see, however, that truly effective preaching is not a function of gender. It is a function of getting the point across, of skillfully applying the cutting truth of God's Word to another's heart, in such a way that preaching becomes a redemptive experience. Ask Anne Graham Lotz or Beth Moore.

At this point, some of you will be tempted to say that I should cultivate this skill to minister to women. And I understand where you are coming from--I've lived there. This last weekend, I attended a women's conference called Come to the Fire, where woman after woman got up to preach and share testimonies to 1,500 other women, and it taught me something, too.

That a sister can bring a message that will transform hearts and lives, displaying the image of God, and in a truly feminine way, pointing others to His truth and grace. There's little difference between teaching and preaching, anyhow, but these ladies were preaching. How do I know? They were proclaiming instead of just imparting truth.

Before the event was over, there was a healing service, in which ordained elders from different churches (all of them female) prayed for individuals who were confessing sin and asked for God's healing (James 5:13-16). I am naturally skeptical of healing services, but this one was entirely different, and very biblical. I felt God telling me that I need to trust Him, and so I confessed this to an elder, and she prayed for me and anointed me with oil, also praying for my struggle with infertility.

And so we stood, nose to nose, ezer to ezer, both of us with tears on our faces and hope in our hearts. The words this woman prayed to God were so specific and genuine that I almost crumbled under their weight.

And all of this reminded me of the power of God's ezers, women made in His image and set aside for His purposes. I suppose this is a circuitous way of telling you that I will teach and preach to women when given the opportunity to do so. I will also preach the beauty and truth of God's grace to anyone I can, male or female. To do less would be to ignore God's calling and His good gifts.

Acts 2:17-18

“‘In the last days, God says, 'I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy.'"

Seminary word of the week #1

2010-09-22T14:19:00.000-04:00

dis·pen·sa·tion·al·ism
[dis-puhn-sey-shuh-nl-iz-uhm, -pen-]
(pronounciation from dictionary.com)

a) A slang expression, meaning the pen you are holding is pretty sensational.

b) A theological tent for Christians who often like "really specific prophecy."

c) A theological system that began in the nineteenth century with the writings of J. N. Darby. Among the general doctrines of this system are the distinction between Israel and the church as two groups in God's overall plan, the pretribulational rapture of the church, a future literal fulfillment of Old Testament prophecies concerning Israel, and the dividing of biblical history into seven periods, or "dispensations," of God's ways of relating to people. (Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology)

Note: if this were a quiz and you didn't guess "c," you would be hopelessly wrong.

So what do you think about dispensationalism? Do tell . . .

38 Birthdays . . . and this one may be the best!

2010-09-19T21:37:00.000-04:00

I cried before I went to sleep last night, and it had everything to do with my 38th birthday. And this man specifically:

I try not to make a habit of posting sappy things about my husband. This is mainly because I was single for 35 years, and sometimes when you're single you don't like to read sappy things about other people's wonderful husbands. Trust me. But I've got to make an exception this time. David went over the top this year for my birthday.

There was this yummy gluten-free chocolate cake he made. (Keep in mind, he's been the lone star in the kitchen lately. Me: I've had my face buried in seminary textbooks.) Then there was the dinner at Biaggi's, where I enjoyed a gluten-free pasta dish that may be illegal in some states. It was that good.

And the birthday ice cream....

And the card and letter from David that I have now reread several times over.

And you have to understand that this was preceded by a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

And a purple ipod, and a very thoughtful necklace. And I have to be honest with you. I'M JUST NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS LAVISHNESS. Others might expect this kind of hullaballoo on their birthdays, but not me. It makes me a little restless and itchy. And for some reason, after we got home last night and I watched a Meryl Streep movie, I was just weepy as I went to bed.

The weight of many birthdays I spent as a single hung in the air all around me, and I remembered some happy times, but some very lonely times, too. Times when I questioned God's provision for me. Times when men couldn't love me the way I wanted them to. Breakups and depression. Shattered dreams. Questions about my future.

And lying in bed, wondering at the imperfect-but-wonderful and committed way David loves me and shows His love, I was reminded of God's good care. And, honestly, that He cares for me no matter what my circumstance. At present, though, through this wonderful man who just happened to sit on the other end of the Internet one state away...and who snuck into my life in such an unassuming way.

Tonight I'm reflecting on the kiss a dear friend delivered to me in Sunday School, and the hugs, and the cards, and the amazing facebook community (Jeanette's poem and so many well wishes!), and the gifts, and I just can't quite take it all in. I can't thank God enough for caring for me through people with skin on. (You are His beautiful hands and feet, dear ones.)

So thanks for indulging me, and I guess my point is this: my heavenly Father has seen me through physical disability, and deep depression, and job loss, and breakups, and the death of my father, and infertility, and obstacles in seminary, and who knows what else will come. But He's faithful; oh, how He is. So no matter what your corner of the world looks like tonight, I hope you'll tune in to echoes of His provision, His care, and His intimate love for you. My hope and prayer is that you will somehow know that the best truly is yet to come, because of what God has done for us in reaching out to us through His Son, Jesus.

"For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you nor let you down (relax my hold on you)! Assuredly not!"
Hebrews 13:5b, The Amplified Bible

One woman in preaching class

2010-09-15T08:42:00.004-04:00

Picture me, wheeling my little laptop bag down the seminary hall, as I approach room 101 on Tuesday night at 6 pm, only to find...

Twenty males in my Expository Preaching class! Yes, I am the only spot of estrogen. I should have prepared myself, since I attend a conservative seminary. But alas, I was unprepared. And a little undone. I mentioned the lack of estrogen to the professor, and he remarked that I would "need to assert myself in class."

I think he might come to regret those words. I can just see it on my final evaluation: "I have learned Suzanne does not have a problem asserting herself..." In a class where I realize most of the members do not agree with my desire to preach, no one is quite sure what to do with me. But I have decided that I'm done minimizing my giftings of teaching, leadership, and encouragement. They are what they are. To be faithful to Christ and His body, I must simply be willing to use them.

And so my "introduction" went something like this:
"Hi, my name is Suzanne Burden. I write for Christian publishers part-time and attend seminary part-time. And I'll answer the most-oft question I get here up-front: no, my husband does not attend seminary. He works for an American automaker. I'm pursuing an MA in Theology. I have not had the opportunity to preach...yet (silence is deafening)...but I do fill in as a Sunday School teacher."

You see, it is not that women have not infiltrated the preaching class before...there were two last year, for instance. It is just that I'm not sure a woman who desires to actually preach or teach to a mixed audience has ever set foot in the door. Most of the women I meet are willing to live up to the status quo, to agree with Paul when he says he does not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man. And I can respect that, if that's truly what they believe, although I personally feel other passages show us this is about Paul's local context only, and that women in the Old and New Testaments were doing a lot of things many of our churches don't even allow them to do today. (Deborah, Huldah, Miriam, Phoebe, Priscilla, Junia, etc.)

But my position becomes even stranger when I tell you that I don't like to be labeled an egalitarian. I truly believe that men and women are equal, but that they do complement each other. There is a reason God made both of the sexes. And I delight in our differences, and the beauty of our alliance.

So, if you think of it, pray for me on Tuesday nights as I soak in all the amazing material this class has to offer. And somewhere, several weeks down the road, get up to preach my first sermon. If there's one thing seminary does, it stretches you above and beyond your comfort zone.

And if all goes well, I will not hear the strange words uttered to another woman who preached a sermon in seminary: "your preaching was good, but it was kind of feminine." Uh....exactly.

P.S. Although you may mean no offense, please don't invite me to the seminary wives group, assuming that my husband is the one in seminary. Please ask first. And when you find out I am in seminary, please don't ask me if my husband is in seminary, too. That might not seem offensive at face value, but if he were in seminary, I highly doubt you'd ask if I was, too. However, if you do (or have done) one of the aforementioned things, I will forgive you in Jesus' name. I, too, have stuck my foot in my mouth on more occasions than I can count and am truly grateful the grace of Christ covers it all!

How (Not) to Write a Seminary Paper . . . or Any Paper

2010-09-11T17:14:00.002-04:00

Enjoy the torture that precedes one’s first ever Systematic Theology paper. Can anyone say “trying too hard?”

Read your four sources and all 150 pages in fits and starts; one minute you dig theology and think you should have so read this ten years ago—the next you feel that seminary was a grave mistake and that someone who knows what “teleological” means should be writing this paper.
Tell your mom, friend, spouse, pet, or significant other in the room to stop making breathing, belching or [you-fill-in-the-blank] noises. You can’t think, and dang, thinking is what this paper really needs. Now if only you could quiet the voices inside your head…
Email the professor about formatting your paper and endnotes. Although this has already been spelled out clearly in the syllabus, you are worried that Systematic Theology professors will be especially anal about formatting done…systematically.
Go back to the kitchen when you realize you can’t see anything anymore due to the eye strain and grab your reading glasses. Be sure to also grab two chocolate fudge cookies while you are there for the seritonin boost that could put this paper over the top. Yes, chocolate, that’s what it needs.
When chocolate is not enough, take a study break to run to Starbucks for a Green Tea Frappuccino with whip. Convince yourself the green tea will stimulate brain cells that have been lying dormant for 37 years now.
Contemplate the interesting differences between Bible-followers who claim the Bible is inerrant and infallible and those who believe it is just infallible. Recognize that certain inerrant-infallibles you know may or may not look like they are in pain, or at least constipated.
Although you know it is important to always be asking “What Would Jesus Do?” you suddenly find yourself thinking: What would NT Wright say about this?”
Google NT Wright and quote from him at length.
Read Phillippians 4:13, for pete’s sake. Read it again. Then read Isaiah 40:31 and picture yourself soaring like an eagle as soon as this paper is signed, footnoted, and emailed.
Go over the 1000 word limit by seven, but tell yourself that instead of getting docked, your professor will most likely smile with benevolence and offer you extra credit.

THE END

The author may or may not have followed these steps exactly during the formation of her first Systematic Theology paper last week. At least not in order.

We are all addicted

2010-09-01T08:59:00.001-04:00

Hi, my name is Suzanne, and I'm an addict. That is, we're all inclined to be addicted to ourselves. Self-addicted. And so I offered this prayer at a success event for women in drug and alcohol recovery this last Monday.

Dear Lord:

It’s because of you that we are sitting here tonight. You’ve been so good and gracious to us.

The truth is that each one of us here tonight has a tendency toward addiction. We are addicted to ourselves. Self-addicted. And that addiction shows itself in our relationships, in our longings, in our substance abuse, and in the way we often ignore you, forgetting that you have created us and made a way that we can know you personally. Forgive us, Father.

Sometimes it’s been hard to receive your acceptance and love, because we don’t feel loved by others. Break down that barrier, Lord, and help us to receive all that you have to offer us. Help each one here to be grateful for the amazing blessings you’ve poured out on us, and to turn their will and their life over to you.

And thank you for this amazing time of celebration—for the success we are celebrating tonight. Surround these amazing women with your strength, bless them as they seek to thank you and to make things right in their lives, help them to know that they are always loved.

In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

What we learn from Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous is that the first step to recovery of any kind is that we admit we are powerless to help ourselves. You don't have to be shooting up or draining a shot glass to need help in your life. You just have to admit that you need Jesus...and yes, others, too, because they are the hands and feet of Jesus in our lives.

Have you taken the first step? And if you know Jesus, are you becoming less self-addicted? How?

Video studies: Grandmother Eve-an alliance, part two

2010-08-30T09:55:00.002-04:00

Every woman since Eve has been an ezer-- a Hebrew word God used when creating her that means strong helper, warrior, and rescuer. See last week's video for an eye-opening look.

This week, we're talking about the amazing alliance created between "adam" and "ezer" or Eve. Ideally fashioned to work together, love together, create together, imagine together . . . to be together. This amazing duet is sung today over and over again, as men and women pow-wow in board rooms, minister together, live and love together--friend to friend, wife to husband, mom to son, dad to daughter . . . you get the gist. You're a part of this grand alliance between "adams" and "ezers" whether you are single or married, a mom or not, working out of your home or a business. Or any combination thereof.

Watch this week's video to find out why:

Grandmother Eve-an alliance, part 2 from Suzanne Burden on Vimeo.

Genesis 1:27-28, NIV
"So God created man [or humankind] in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'"

Read Genesis 1-3 for the full Creation story. Other suggested resources:

When Life and Beliefs Collide and Lost Women of the Bible by Carolyn Custis James.

What about you? Do you believe men and women are better together than apart? What are some challenges that keep us apart? What *beautiful* things have you noticed we can accomplish together? Please comment.

Next time: a look at how the curse of sin mars the alliance--and whether the curse is something to live up to or something to live above. Hint: we'll examine male/female roles at home, work, and in the church. Catch you later!

Her first Bible

2010-08-25T15:20:00.000-04:00

This morning, I sat on a picnic table with the sun beating down on my neck as I read through the 2nd and 3rd chapters of John with a 20something who is in addiction recovery.

And we talked about crazy John the Baptist, and the first few disciples who bravely followed the seemingly-insignificant Jesus of Nazareth, and the way his mother got a little bossy, which instigated his first miracle of turning water into wine.

The person of Jesus was alive between us, and we were both excited about his ministry getting started in the beginning of John. And after we read and talked for awhile, I reached into my bag, and pulled out something wrapped in sparkly purple paper. "I've got something for you," I said. "And this slow grin just broke out over her face, and she said, "It's a Bible, isn't it?" with excitement in her voice. "I've never had my own before..." And looking inside she said, "And it has words I can understand, too."

And something within me shivered, picturing the many Bibles at home upon my shelf, so many of them untouched.

I told her to mark up her Bible, to not be afraid of it. I recommended she keep on going through John for the story of Jesus' ministry, and that she consider reading the Psalms, especially Psalm 139. I told her God delights in her.

I prayed for her and she said each time we meet her heart leaves lighter, and I told her that is because her spirit is involved. That she is made to know God.

And then she grabbed her brand-new Bible in her arms and turned to go back inside, promising to meet me there next week. And I don't know whose heart was more filled up to the brim with joy, dribbling out as I got up from the picnic table to walk to my car.

"For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the ^[a]breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart."
Hebrews 4:12, The Amplified Bible

Notable Quotable: Mother Teresa

2010-08-24T07:00:00.001-04:00

"We have been created for greater things, not just to be a number in the world, not just to go for diplomas and degrees, this work and that work. We have been created to love and be loved."

"And let us consider and give attentive care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and noble activities . . ."
-Hebrews 10:24, Amplified Bible

Notable Quotable: Rich Mullins

2010-08-17T09:11:00.001-04:00

"If I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my Savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken."

New video studies: Bible women - Grandmother Eve, part 1

2010-08-12T15:34:00.000-04:00

Need a fresh vision? Some perspective? A reminder of why you as a woman are worthwhile? Watch this week's study for an exciting look at who God created Eve to be--and how you share her essential qualities today. Be sure to join the conversation in comments after watching the video. (Men welcome, too!)

You, daughter, of Eve, are not an afterthought--but Creation's perfect finishing touch.

Bible women - Grandmother Eve-an ezer, part 1 from Suzanne Burden on Vimeo.

Genesis 2:18, NIV
"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a *ezer* suitable for him.'"

Read Genesis 1-3 for the full Creation story. Other suggested resources:
When Life and Beliefs Collide and Lost Women of the Bible by Carolyn Custis James.

If you are female, do you often feel like an afterthought? Have you believed the lie that daughters of Eve are not as valuable to God as sons of Adam? Share your thoughts below. Let's get the conversation started!

Next week: Adam and Eve unite--a blessed alliance, whether single or married. See you then!

Fall 2010 pleasure reading

2010-08-05T11:13:00.001-04:00

While normal people are reading their favorite magazine, and watching the Food Network, and doing all the autumn-type activities I love, I will be reading:

Pity me not, dear friends. I signed up for this--and can't wait to dig in! Systematic Theology I and Expository Preaching and Teaching classes, here I come.

New video studies: Bible women - Hagar the Invisible

2010-08-03T12:04:00.001-04:00

Welcome to my new mini-Bible studies featuring women from the Bible and how their stories relate to ours.

Bible Women - Hagar the Invisible from Suzanne Burden on Vimeo.

Genesis 16:13, NIV
"She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the one who sees me.'"

Read Genesis 16 and 21 to experience more of Hagar's story and God's love for anyone who feels unwanted.

Can you relate to feeling invisible, unloved, or unwanted? Do you believe God sees you and protects you? Why or why not? Please share.

Notable Quotable: Elizabeth O'Connor

2010-07-29T15:50:00.003-04:00

"Each of us is the artist of his own life. Whether a man arrives or does not arrive at his own destiny - the place that is peculiarly his - depends on whether or not he finds the Kingdom within and hears the call to wholeness - or holiness . . . The man who hears that call is chosen. He does not have to scramble for a place in the scheme of things. He knows that there is a place which is his and that he can live close to the One who will show it to him. Life becomes his vocation."
-Elizabeth O'Connor, Journey Inward, Journey Outward

Do you believe you are the artist of your own life? Do you believe that all of life is the vocation of the Christian? Please share.

When Jesus asks you to volunteer

2010-07-23T08:55:00.018-04:00

Read on to see what happens when God says "not now" to your plans and signs you up for something better. See if you can relate!

_____________________________________________________
This summer . . . I had plans. But when they fell through, I got quiet and started watching and listening for opportunities Jesus might want for me instead. The result follows.

I planned to make money to fund my seminary education. And, despite due diligence, several projects fell through due to timing or being postponed.

Jesus asked me to volunteer to lead a Sunday night Bible study for women in drug and alcohol recovery at a local rehab house. We're reading through the gospel of John in The Message Bible. Wow. I'm seeing the power of God's Word at work in a fresh and real way.

Before I knew it, my friend and I were also on the hook to teach resume-building and interviewing skills. Someone else donated money for Bibles for these ladies. The ripple effect!

I so desperately wanted to serve patients at the hospital this summer while fulfilling a chaplaincy credit for seminary. But at the last minute, it got canceled.

Instead, Jesus asked me to take cookies to my new neighbor--and then to bring over chicken salad with croissants when her father fell ill. He asked me to fill in for my Sunday School teacher about four times, leading a class of men and women, which is new for me. He also asked me to share life with about 20 fifth and sixth graders at my church's Vacation Bible School.

Perhaps most of all, I wanted to get pregnant this summer.

Jesus has asked me to acknowledge and live out my God-given role as a life-giver, whether I have any children or not. So I invited a ten-year-old girl out to lunch. She lost her mom to cancer last year and lives with her dad and five brothers. For just an hour and a half, I offered up a little bit of mothering and was blessed by this young woman's unbelievable grace and love for God's Word. My life-giving also extends to two developmentally-different brothers at church, one of whom sits with us sometimes. On some Sundays, their friend Joe tells me I am "gorgeous AND sweet." Really, what could be better?

Yesterday, I had a volunteer shift at a local hospital, sitting with someone who is dying with no friends or family to be there. And it struck me how we come into this world like we go out...helpless, sometimes frightened, just wishing for a warm touch. And so I held this person's hand, while realizing that life-giving comes in a million different forms. In fact, we must have a hundred opportunities to "give life" daily through our interactions. But how often do we choose to give life?

Unless we quiet every noisy beep and ring and distraction and listen to Jesus. I'm not speaking of anything mystical and strange. Just quieting your heart so you can feel the stirrings that come as you focus on God and His Word, while also watching for the work God is doing around you--work that you could participate in. And when we let Him know it's OK to ask us to volunteer--that we'll be ready for our next assignment--then our eyes start to open to opportunities, and we'll do what He asks when it sometimes goes against what we had planned.

I didn't initially want what I got this summer. I planned for something entirely different and kicked and screamed when the results of my planning seemed to backfire everywhere I looked. God had something else in mind, and I'm finally starting to appreciate His "plan B"--which we all know is not a "plan B" at all in His economy.

You see, I'm starting to see what He's really asking from me is "availability." He's not always asking me to drop everything. He just wants to know that I will if He has a more important assignment for me at present. Back in May, I had a tight grip on my plans, and an agenda, and GOALS. I still have summer goals, but several of them have been postponed.

Jesus was asking me to volunteer, you see, and He didn't want anything messing with His plans.

What has Jesus asked you to volunteer for? What did the volunteering teach you about yourself and what you have to offer in God's Kingdom? How did it touch others? Please share.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-21T07:00:00.005-04:00

"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it . . . " Psalm 24:1a

What's your test from God?

2010-07-20T10:04:00.011-04:00

Tears streamed down my face this morning as I watched this video about Abraham's test, Holy is the Lord, by folk singer Andrew Peterson.

I cried because we are, all of us, being tested, even as I sit here. We tend to want for a controlled, cushified, consumeristic--did I mention controlled?--life. But we don't get it. None of us do. We were born to be tested.

Just ask Abraham. The one God made the covenant promise to in Genesis 15. Here's a paraphrase: A son coming from your own body will be your heir [God didn't mention Abraham would struggle with infertility most of his life and be older than dirt when Isaac was born]. Look up in the sky...you can't count those stars, Abraham, my friend--but that's how many offspring or great-grandchildren I'm going to give you. I promise.

So how inconsistent, how two-faced, did that promise seem years later, when Abraham and his wife Sarah had a son in their geriatric years--and Abraham was then, quite simply, ordered by God to kill him? Insert the place right here where my heart starts hyper-ventilating. I can't help it.

This smacks of the way God gives a godly woman a husband--and that same husband dies one year later unexpectedly. Or worse yet, divorces her to be with someone different. Father, what heavenly purpose could there be in this? This is betrayal of the worst sort, when someone (anyone, really) who loves you promises you something big, gives it to you--but ultimately takes it and abandons you, carrying your dignity and heart off with them in the process.

In a very personal sense, this is how God gave me a Dad who loved me well, then allowed him to be taken at 61 years of age from cancer. Just before he would have met the godly man I waited 35 years to marry. The man he had prayed so earnestly for. My extended family met David three days after Dad passed away.

Seriously?!? That was the response of one friend who prayed so earnestly for me to find a spouse that year. She prayed specifically that Dad would meet said spouse. And in God's divine wisdom, only half of her prayers were answered affirmatively.

A test.

Will you still believe God loves you and will provide for you? Will Abraham? Will I? Because He's promised to, though all of the signs around you are screaming to the contrary.

And so Abraham walked 50 or 60 miles with young Isaac, a three-day journey that ended as they climbed Mount Moriah. Isaac was on the altar. There was wood for burning the sacrifice. A knife, even, to do the killing. Abraham's chosen son was getting suspicious. The moment of obedience had come. And...

An angel of the Lord cried out! Don't lay a hand on your boy. Don't do anything to Isaac. I see now that you fear God, because you didn't withhold what was most precious to you. And suddenly Abraham spotted a ram. The place where his life--and his faith--flashed before him would be called "The Lord Will Provide."

What will your place of testing be called? "God failed me and I deserted Him?" "Been there. Done that. Doing it my own way now?" Or will your faith be refined and purified through testing?

You may suffer losses unimaginable and people may fail you repeatedly and you may feel depressed and downcast. You may fear there is no way out. But there is, somehow. God cannot go back on His promise to love and save you and bring good out of your circumstances if you know His Son, Jesus. It's just not in His nature to do so.

I can testify, though sometimes with tears, that the Lord will provide.

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." James 1:12, The Message

What's your current "test?" Do you believe God is providing for you? Why or why not?

Did I mention I'm falling in like with N.T. Wright?

2010-07-08T13:50:00.001-04:00

I'm a girl who's on the beginning of her seminary journey. And as such, I have a lot to learn. Approximately two more years worth of seminary learning, to be exact. (And lots more learning after that.)

I've been learning, for instance, which authors my seminary professors would like me to read--John Piper, Dallas Willard, Miles Stanford, etc. And which books they would recommend I not bother with. Anything by Rob Bell, for instance.

But since at this stage in my life I'm not good at following directions "just because," I tend to a read a little bit of everything. And this approach serves me well, because on the Arminian/Calvinism theology continuum, I get exposed to almost every imaginable approach to Scripture.

Along the way, although I can assure you I am happily married, I have begun to fall in serious like with N.T. Wright. ("Tom" Wright is the Bishop of Durham in the Church of England and a New Testament scholar.) Or perhaps I should say I am seriously in like with his even-handed approach to theology and his irenic, peace-loving spirit.

Call me ornery, but I like that Bishop Wright has not been liked by liberal Christians, that he has been questioned by the very conservative John Piper, that the emerging church digs him but his views don't line up with many of them consistently, and that he is always trying to work out his faith according to the Word of God, set in its proper context. The latter, of course, is what I find most endearing--Bishop Wright's committed faithfulness to the study of the text and context of the Bible.

The funniest thing about this post is that I've read so little of Wright's actual writing--though I intend to. Since I so often struggle with the paradoxes the apostle Paul represents, perhaps I should start with one of his "Paul for Everyone" commentaries.

Meanwhile, prepare to be wowed by the essays and addresses found on this page. If I were you, I'd start with his "The Biblical Basis for Women's Ministry in the Church." I've read it three times already, and I still want to read it again.

So, yes, I've fallen seriously in like. Friends and family now have a built-in book shopping list for my next birthday. Now, if you'll excuse me--it appears I have a bit more reading to do.

What about you? What do you love or dislike about NT? Who are your favorite theologians?

What if Billy Graham believes in evolution and creation?

2010-06-01T21:29:00.003-04:00

That is, that God created the world, absolutely, but our Creator may have used the evolutionary process in some form to do it? And what if I told you he told the world just that in 1964? That was so 25 years ago! And yet I just read about it today, courtesy of Pastor Kurt Willems blog.

“I don’t think that there’s any conflict at all between science today and the Scriptures. I think we have misinterpreted the Scriptures many times and we’ve tried to make the Scriptures say things that they weren’t meant to say, and I think we have made a mistake by thinking the Bible is a scientific book. The Bible is not a book of science. The Bible is a book of Redemption, and of course, I accept the Creation story. I believe that God created man, and whether it came by an evolutionary process and at a certain point He took this person or being and made him a living soul or not, does not change the fact that God did create man… whichever way God did it makes no difference as to what man is and man’s relationship to God.”
— Billy Graham in Doubt and Certainties (1964)

*picture from 1966

This is one of those "drop the bomb" in the middle of a conversation things I can use with friends...just like the reaction I get when I tell them B.G.--who seems to be our evangelical spokesperson--used to be a registered Democrat. That he's primarily a Christian, but that he's admitted to voting as a Democrat, voted Republican for a bit, then eventually left the labels to be a pastor to both the right and the left. Would anyone object if I just come out right here and now and say that I treasure diversity in Christ's body? I hope not. Because I believe I just did.

Something crazy

2010-05-26T14:02:00.000-04:00

Last night the husband and I did something crazy, and it turned out splendidly.

Being the more spontaneous one in our relationship, I told him we needed to jump in the car and the inspiration for dinner would hit us. It had been a long day. I had a great call with a business connection that gave me insight into a project. I made and served lunch at my home to two precious women who form a writing team with me. We're involved in a God-thing, a little project that seems to possibly be going places, against all odds. Something that could allow us to join in the work we believe God so desperately wants to do in us and around us. We ate beautiful plates of chicken salad and fruit while listening to classical music. We prayed and poured out our hearts to God. We brainstormed. And two Skype calls and one physical therapy appointment after that, it became clear that no one in our home was interested in kitchen duty.

Since we've hit all the usual dining spots in our town, we headed toward my seminary's little town and nice little place on a lake. On the way, we called some seminary friends who live in this town, and being the hospitable types who were already having one seminary guest for dinner, they generously invited us to their home, too, for a dinner which was happening 45 minutes later. Exactly the amount of time it would take us to get there. We got there right on time to enjoy a meal of steak, potatoes, corn on the cob, coleslaw, salad, fresh-cut melon, and crepes for dessert. And all we brought was the Coca-Cola and apple juice we picked up on the way. We enjoyed every minute of it!

So I got to daydreaming on the way home and thinking about how God knows our days and what we need and how to bless us. And sometimes He does stuff like this, probably to get our attention, to show us that He is our source of refreshment. And when we are weary, when we can't even make up our minds about dinner, can't decide if we're tired, hungry, thirsty, lonely, etc., He sometimes steps in to dish up just what we didn't even know we needed.

In this case, dinner with three other lovely, beautiful people with whom our bodies, minds, and souls were refreshed. Thanks Jim, Christy, and Adam. Something crazy turned out to be just . . . right.
Sweet, unexpected fellowship from generous hearts that love well. And thank you, Abba-Father, for knowing what we need and surprising and delighting us by your provision. And to think, I didn't even have to ask.

"...for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."
Matthew 6:8

Two Sundays in a row

2010-05-17T10:26:00.000-04:00

I suppose a lot of things happen in church two Sundays in a row. The same announcements. The same people sitting in the pew in front of you. The same _______ (you fill in the blank).

But I'm here to announce that Mark and Ed have been in church now two Sundays in a row. (Trace their story back by starting here.)

When I entered the sanctuary and saw Ed sitting up in the front row, just waiting for the service to begin, my heart soared. I walked up to him and shook his hand, as he held up the other hand to motion while saying: "Two times!"

And then, he turned, rather abruptly, to face the front, because I'm telling you, he was so eager for the service to begin. To worship with the music. To hear Pastor Chuck preach the Word. To walk up at the end and kneel in prayer.

If only all of us were so thankful to be in God's house each Sunday. Or anytime of the week, for that matter. If only our hearts soared like Ed's does at 9:15 am. If only we looked for God's presence and were not surprised when He shows up.

If only more of us had a faith that was as simple and trusting as Ed's.

Notable Quotable: Wesley

2010-05-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

"Orthodoxy, or right opinion, is, at best, a very slender part of religion. Though right tempers cannot subsist without right opinions, yet right opinions may subsist without right tempers. There may be a right opinion of God without either love or one right temper toward Him. Satan is proof of this."
-John Wesley

When Mother's Day makes you cry

2010-05-09T18:03:00.006-04:00

"Momma said there'd be days like this; there'd be days like this, my momma said ..." -The Shirelles

I saw two people in church this morning who literally wept. One was Ed! Yes, he and Mark were back in church, and Ed was seated in the front row. So happy to be back in church after a few months away, Ed raised his hands high during every worship song. (Ed and Mark are developmentally-different brothers whose mom/primary caretaker died a few months ago.)

What Ed probably didn't anticipate, though, was a Mother's Day service. There was a funny song about moms. There were candy bars at the doors for moms. And Pastor Carla even delivered a wonderful sermon about the women attending the resurrection, with special words for moms. And as Pastor Chuck got up to pray for our moms, it became too much to bear.

Ed wept. And ever so tenderly, Pastor came down from the podium and wrapped his arms around him. You could hear his muffled sobs through the microphone. Pastor told Ed, very gently, that God will comfort him in his loss. And we all believe that, really we do. But, ouch, ouch, ouch. It's like touching a hot iron. We wait and long for the pain to lessen.

I hugged Ed after the service, but I felt I couldn't offer him much. He needed a room to cry in. In truth, there are ways he is alone in his pain. I pray that God will give Him the strength and grace needed to walk through his grief. I am thankful for his tears--thankful that what he feels so deeply has an outlet.

Another friend cried, too, because of the loss of her mom. And how much she misses her and wishes she were here to celebrate Mother's Day. All of these emotions come flying up to the surface on days like this, and it makes me cringe a bit, grit my teeth a bit, and remind myself it will all be over in 24 hours. Not exactly the feeling you hope for when you enter God's house, but there it is.

It seems everyone feels things more deeply on Mother's Day . . . and Father's Day, for that matter.

Since I long to be a mom myself, it would have been easier to skip church today. (And I have resorted to this option before.) But in a tangible way, I knew I needed my church body today more than ever. Even though I knew I would feel excluded in a way, I didn't want to miss out on my family time. I wanted to stare this Mother's Day thing in the face and be OK with it.

And surprisingly, I mostly am OK. Yes, a kid tried to give me a candy bar until I told him I wasn't a mom. But in my heart I knew the truth: I am an ezer (Genesis 2:18) -- a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer -- and a life-giver. Even though I haven't physically had a child, I give life to people and projects each day. That won't change, no matter what comes.

So, I guess the bottom line is, it's OK to cry today. It's OK to tell your mom how wonderful she is--and my mom definitely fits the bill. But if there's one thing I would like you to take note of, this is it:

I believe that if Jesus were here today, physically standing by me or you, He would affirm all the life-givers (mothers or not) in His presence, and He would be the one to comfort those who hurt. He would be the one wiping away your Mother's Day tears, no matter the reason they were shed. But first, I am willing to bet He would feel your pain and cry with you. And in the end, He will . . .

" . . . take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17b

My heart believes this, owns it even--and I hope, friend, that yours does, too.

Two years of marriage . . . and counting

2010-05-04T09:08:00.000-04:00

"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked."
-Bill Cosby

Two years ago on April 26, I said "I do" to David. And it felt like jumping off a cliff. Just as exhilarating, too. As you read this, we are celebrating our anniversary in the Poconos.

For the entire first year of marital union, I would wake up in the morning and have to remind myself that I was no longer single. Who David was. That I had moved to be with him. And that this was a permanent arrangement!

Now it feels like I've had a husband for ages. Funny how time changes things. And how it doesn't. Despite all the odds and statistics, this is how David and I do marriage:

Pre-marriage. Before we tied the knot, or even got engaged, we counseled with the pastor, asked deep and important questions, and purposed to save sex for marriage. Counter-cultural? Absolutely. Absolutely, hands-down, a wonderful way to prepare for a brilliant marriage.
We honor each other. Yes, I belong to the facebook group "My husband still opens my car door." That is not a joke! I take care of my husband's dishes while he is lying on the couch, napping. Often, he cooks me dinner. I plan his meals and do the grocery shopping. We have each other's backs.
We yield. Some people like to call this submission, but I like the word yielding. Because yielding is all about being less self-addicted and giving in the name of Jesus to another person, even when you don't feel like it. And a yield sign does not mean that you don't eventually go somewhere--it means you yield your right to go first to someone else because you want to serve them.
We mop up the mess. When we don't do our best to love or respect well we say we are sorry, even if we didn't mean to hurt the other person. We expect that marriage is not perfect and that this will happen often. We address it, mop up the mess, make amends, and move on, knowing that neither of us is perfect while trusting that the other person is for us.
We give space. We do a lot together, but at the end of the day, I answer to my Maker first, not my husband. And so we give each other the latitude to be the person God has created us to be, to pursue separate interests, to love in different ways as God has built us differently, and to think or pray through an issue before coming together again.
We value gifts in the other. David is a generous behind-the-scenes servant; I tend to take on leadership and teaching roles. David thinks very logically and plans well, while I tend to be more expressive, a writer, and a lover of people. We belong to a mutual admiration society.
We delight in each other. This goes far beyond a beautiful sex life to simply noticing our different reactions to things, laughing about this together, and complimenting each other on how we use our gifts and talents for our Maker.

I believe our closest relationships in life have the potential to damage or heal us the most. Marriage may have a bad rap, but when you enter marriage expecting that you will be called to serve like Jesus did, it can turn your marriage right-side up. That's all we'd like you to know. That Christian marriage can exceed your expectations. Do you agree or disagree? Please post comments.

Update on Mark and Ed

2010-04-30T08:31:00.001-04:00

Several weeks ago, I posted about these two developmentally-different men from my church, and how their mom had died, and now they don't show up at church anymore...after all these years. And how it makes me profoundly sad, and makes me feel that as orphans, as those who are quite defenseless in this big world, our church should be helping them however we can.

The other day Pastor Chuck updated me on what's going on with them. I found out that a social worker is trying to get them into a state home, but in the meantime, they have been placed with a guardian way out in the country where they share a bedroom and get to roam around outdoors. And that sounds very idyllic and nice, except for the fact that they haven't been able to attend church since. A thing that was so much a part of their regular routine.

A week or so ago, Pastor Chuck's secretary told him there was a young man there to see him. And an advocate had brought Ed to the church, just so he could see Pastor Chuck, whom he thought must have forgotten him by now. Instead, Pastor Chuck almost jumped up and down with glee. It was a joyful reunion.

And now, as I sit here, thinking about these two beautiful souls, I wonder if there isn't more we as a church could do. I wonder if I might ask our S.S. class to form an informal bus ministry where one of us goes each week way out into the country to pick up Mark and Ed and bring them to their church family. I wonder this. And I pray. Will you continue to pray with me?

Father, you are a father to the fatherless and a defender to those who find themselves defenseless. I admire your watchcare over Mark and Ed; show us how to participate in your work. And please, Lord, will you help them to find a place near our church, where Mark and Ed can experience your love with their church family and the church family can in turn be blessed by their innocence and joy. This is what your Spirit is whispering to my heart, Father, and so this is how I pray. Much love, your daughter

Guest post: Did Jesus break the Sabbath?

2010-04-29T08:34:00.009-04:00

By author and speaker, Keri Wyatt Kent

What did Jesus teach about the Sabbath? Something shifted tremendously in how people followed God after Jesus walked our planet. Although the roots of the Christian faith are in Judaism, the way that modern Christians keep Sabbath, or don’t, looks quite different from the way ancient Jews did. Jesus said he came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. But really, that fulfillment changed a lot about how people lived out their faith.

Even when Jesus walked the earth, people were aware that he was shaking things up.

The gospel writers often tell us that people marveled at Jesus’ teaching because he spoke with “authority.”

Commenting on the rabbinic tradition and this idea of authority, pastor and author Rob Bell writes, “Different rabbis had different sets of rules, which were really different lists of what they forbade and what they permitted. A rabbi’s set of rules and lists, which was really that rabbi’s interpretation of how to live the Torah, was called that rabbi’s yoke. A rabbi’s followers believed that rabbi’s set of interpretations were the closest to what God intended through the Scriptures. And when you followed that rabbi, you were taking up that rabbi’s yoke.”

Bell continues, “Most rabbis taught the yoke of a rabbi who had come before them. … Every once in a while, a rabbi would come along who was teaching a new yoke, a new way of interpreting the Torah. This was rare and extraordinary.”

So Jesus offered this new yoke, which he claimed is easy. But in a way, it seems harder. He often began with “you’ve heard it said” and cited the Old Testament law. Then he followed with “but I say to you.” For example, he said, “You’ve heard it said, ‘Don’t commit adultery.’ But I say, ‘If you look at a woman with lust, you’ve already slept with her’” (Matt. 5:27–28, my paraphrase). And, “You’ve heard it said, ‘Don’t murder.’ But if you call someone a fool or hate them, you’ve killed them” (Matt. 5:21–22).

His teaching encouraged people to hold to a higher standard than mere legalism but also helped them to realize that keeping the law perfectly is an impossible proposition.

Examining ourselves in light of the spirit of the law, rather than the letter, points us to our desperate need for grace. Jesus exhorted his listeners to examine their hearts, their attitudes, as well as their actions. He challenged his listeners to bring outward practice and inner reality into alignment. This again directed his most attentive listeners toward grace, not more careful legalism.

Here’s what I’ve noticed, though. Jesus never used the “you’ve heard it said, but I say to you” formula to discuss Sabbath. He didn’t, for example, say, “You’ve heard it said, ‘Keep the Sabbath holy.’ But I say …” And he definitely never said, “You’ve heard it said, ‘Keep the Sabbath on the seventh day,’ but I tell you, ‘Switch it to the first day.’” Why is that?

Jesus did criticize the Pharisees for piling rules onto the people, burdening them with lists of what they couldn’t do, not just on Sabbath but in regard to all sorts of regulations and man-made traditions. He accused them of valuing their traditions over the law, saying, “You nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition,” and quoted Isaiah 29:3 to condemn them (see Matt. 15:1–20). He said the Pharisees burdened people with rules (Luke 11:46).

While he didn’t use his “you’ve heard it said, but I say” formula to teach about Sabbath, he did find all sorts of teachable moments to instruct his followers, and his critics, about Sabbath. Usually this happened when he defended his choices to heal people, cast out demons, or engage in other questionable activities on the Sabbath. Not surprisingly, he focused on aligning our hearts with our actions.

He did say, “The Sabbath was made for people, not people for the Sabbath.” And he claimed to be the Lord of the Sabbath. But what does that mean? Does it set us free only from the ceremonial aspects of the law, or from the law entirely?

The thing Jesus seemed to get in trouble for most was breaking the Sabbath, at least in the eyes of the legalists of his day. They watched him closely, seemingly in hopes he would slip up and break the rules, although he hardly seemed interested in hiding his actions from them. In fact, he tried over and over to teach them about the heart of Sabbath, asking, “Don’t you on the Sabbath untie your donkey and let him have a drink, or pull your sheep out of a pit?” to point out that compassion is never against God’s rules (see Luke 13:15; Matt. 12:11).

Norman Wirzba writes, “Jesus does not obliterate Sabbath teaching but reframes it so that we can see once again, with renewed emphasis, what creation’s ultimate meaning is.”

Jesus came to die for us, but also to live for us, to show us how to live. He modeled spiritual practices like solitude, prayer, and compassion. If you are someone’s disciple, you try to emulate them, try to live as they would. And Jesus kept Sabbath. Not in the way his culture expected, perhaps. He exercised great freedom. If we are his disciples, we will take on his yoke. We will live in this life-giving rhythm of work and rest. Jesus kept Sabbath in a new way, a way that shook things up. As his disciples, we can keep Sabbath too. And apparently we’re free to shake things up as well.

Keri Wyatt Kent is a speaker and author of seven books, including Rest: Living in Sabbath Simplicity, from which this column is adapted.

From a Christian college bathroom wall...

2010-04-26T07:00:00.003-04:00

The other day I was using one of the bathrooms at the seminary, one that the college-aged women usually frequent, and I saw that over 15 of them had written quotes or sayings on a piece of paper that was in one of those plastic announcements things.

Wondering what females at Christian colleges are thinking these days? Well, you're in luck. I stole the paper. Figured that wasn't a crime according to the student handbook. Here goes:

I used to have trouble finishing things, but now I . . .
Sometimes we stare too long at the door at the door that's closed that we miss the one that's open.
Love God; Love People!
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
God has not forgotten you! :)
All generalizations are false.
6/5 people don't know fractions.
Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
Do not wait for your knight in shining armor, he probably knows more about polish than how to use that sword of his. Instead, look for the knight in slightly dented, used armor, he will be your champion. -Benson Brazier

And my personal favorite:

A lot of people go to the bathroom with pens...

She loved much: the end of an alabaster vase

2010-04-21T19:52:00.001-04:00

Oops. Boom. Shattered.

Late last Saturday afternoon the husband's elbow went flying out as he removed the tablecloth, and the stand holding my alabaster vase careened, and the vase fell to the floor, its lip shattered.

Although I witnessed the whole thing as I did my homework in the living room, I didn't hear a crack and thought perhaps it had been spared. That God had allowed it to remain intact because He knew of its worth to me even more than I did. I sucked in hard, audibly, and held my breath.

The husband confirmed my fear, though, and the look on his face was one of pure panic and adrenaline. I shook my head slowly, sadly. I sucked my breath in again and said I could not speak to him. Not now.

The next minutes are hazy, but my mom called, and announced that my entire family was up at the hospital three hours away cooing over my new nephew (without me), and I lost it. Lost. It. Completely. Mom was concerned, but I couldn't speak to anyone. And as David overheard my tears and the pain in my voice, he fretted and stewed.

My alabaster vase story goes like this: years ago an incredible mentor, Kelly, helped me to understand the extravagance of God's love for us when I was facing some deep and dark times. She embodied Jesus to me. And so she special ordered this alabaster vase to present to me as a gift: to remind me of God's extravagant love and how my life is a love offering to those around me. (See the story of the woman with the alabaster jar in Luke 7.) And something in me became more alive, more in tune to loving others well, because of the giving of this memento. The vase moved everywhere with me and was always in a prominent location wherever I lived.

Since I have very few fine things in my life, and few sentimental items, I didn't realize how much this gift meant to me. Or what would happen if it suddenly shattered. I wasn't prepared. I couldn't even look at it.

In just moments, I felt situationally depressed.

And that is when the husband entered the living room, a pained look on his face. He sat down on the ottoman in front of me. I told him the story of the vase through my sobs and tears. Then he placed his hand on my face, saying, "I will never forget this day." My heart stirred. "Why?" I asked. "You didn't mean to knock it over." And he said something about the significance of my pain and how much this had hurt me and how everything in him wished he could change things.

Sad though I was, a small burden lifted. Someone had acknowledged who I am and why in the world this loss touched a part of me I didn't know existed. A foundation stone built into my life by a dear friend. One who probably doesn't realize the impact she's had on me. David entered into my pain and acknowledged that it's OK to hurt.

And, if I'm honest, I have to say that it still hurts. I can't look at the vase, so David has packed it away...probably in a box with the shattered pieces scattered around like sawdust. Ironic, isn't it? My alabaster vase, broken, like the jar the woman poured out of so lavishly, as she dispensed costly nard perfume on his dusty feet.

The thought makes me ask Jesus if I am generous like her, if I love those he loves without expecting anything in return, especially to the least of these, the "least-favorites," the troubled, the poor, and the weak. Perhaps I will always remember the day the vase dropped as well. Maybe it will remind me of Abba's love, subduing my selfishness to help me love more extravagantly and recklessly.

If it does, it will be worth the pain. Oh, to have this written in my obituary one day:

"She loved . . . much."

Notable Quotable: Luther

2010-04-15T12:33:00.000-04:00

"It is the supreme art of the Devil that he can make the law out of the gospel. If I can hold on to the distinction between law and gospel, I can say to him any and every time that he should kiss my backside. Even if I sinned, I would say, "Should I deny the gospel on this account?"

Luther, Luther's Works, Vol. 54, p. 106

When eggs interrupt

2010-04-11T18:58:00.000-04:00

I have yet to hear a woman say her journey through seminary was linear and tidy. (To be fair, men may not feel like their journey is tidy, either.) Still, there is something unique about the female's journey through seminary. And through life in general.

Menstration.

I'm sorry, men. But I've been mulling over this post for months. And this is the honest-to-goodness truth. I could just leave this untouched as one of the "elephants in the room," but since there are so few female seminary students blogging these days, I'd rather not.

Maybe your story is different, and if so, I hope you'll comment below. But here is how I see things:

I was told that I would get a period sometime in later elementary school and so I began to wonder about its arrival. It came when I was 13 and I cried. I knew next to nothing about how any of it worked and wished I didn't have to endure the monthly curse. Periods of stress made it go away, but that was bad for some reason, so I always prayed for it to come back. As a young women, I got my college degree, and set off to build a career using my communications skills. I always wondered about having children and began to hear my biological clock ticking in my late 20s, with no mate in sight. There was no mate in sight at age 30 either. Or 33. By now that clock seemed to be a ticking time bomb placed right next to my ears. My ovaries were over-eager. My mating instincts were in high gear.

This is what it's like to be a woman, I thought. But God--why haven't you brought me a husband?

And so, after doing my part by casting my net out on eharmony, David entered my life. I married at age 35. The delights of marriage are many. We're happy and healthy. Yet as I hang out at age 37, we wonder: Could we have a child?

I'll spare you the agonizing details, but you should know this: it is not easy to work/go to seminary/minister/keep up with friends and family when you're thinking about your eggs. And praying that at least one of them is not shriveled up. That this whole thing will work the way God intended it to without extraordinary measures. It makes you weigh your options more carefully. Hang back on major decisions. And even say "no" to certain things.

Like the Clinical Pastoral Education credit I was scheduled to take this summer. Eleven weeks of learning, growth, and ministry, and I was thrilled to be participating. Until I was told late in the game that I would have to pull two 12-hour shifts a week on-call instead of the two shifts a month the brochure seemed to indicate. It didn't take me long to think about the possible effect on my stress level and reproductive health. I said no, with a quivering lip. I delayed the dream.

These are the choices women in seminary sometimes make. Because our lives are complex and glorious, made up of hesitation and faith, full of joy amidst the juggling. And, hopefully, a desire to see God glorified in all the messiness. To look up at any moment and say, "What now, Father? You've called me to know you better through seminary, and you've called me to be a daughter of Eve/ezer/lifegiver, and would you tell me please, what is the next step?"

So, yes, I'm still in seminary. Studying hard for an intensive Counseling class that will be here soon. Praying for God's Will and looking for His direction. All while caring for my ovaries and uterus. This is the place I find myself sitting in right now, as I remind myself to rest in God's goodness and trust His plans.

That's all, folks. Thanks for letting me clear the air, and be assured, the posts to follow will not even include the word eggs. Smile!

Loving Mark and Ed

2010-03-19T12:38:00.002-04:00

On Valentine's Day I wrote a story about a developmentally-different man from our church, Mark. (Notice I'm not keen on using the word "disabled.") Sadly, Mark lost his momma this last week, the one person who loves and cares for him consistently.

Mark sits about 4-5 rows in front of us on the organ side in church (though said organ is rarely used). He never fails to greet me. But he always sits by his lonesome. It's the way he likes it, the way he's comfortable. His older brother Ed, on the other hand, who is also developmentally different and as sunny as a teddy bear, sits in the middle of the auditorium with his good buddy Joe--right in front of Pastor Chuck, so he can feel like he's a part of the action. (At least that's the way I see it.)

So when Mark was oddly missing from his usual Sunday morning post and Pastor Chuck announced that his mom had died, I was beside myself. Excuse me, but what in the world?!? Lord? Are you at all aware that these two men rely on her protection and her nurture? Where could they go? Who will take up their cause? Who will make sure Mark is sitting five pews in front of me come 9:15 on Sunday mornings? Oh, sadness...

So I've tried to pray for these brothers. And yesterday I stopped in at the funeral home before the service, mainly to hug them. A church friend, Carol and I, told them we loved them and that we were praying for them. After a few bear hugs, Ed said with a cheerful grin, "You ladies are so sweet." After that comment, I wanted to take both of them home with me.

Today, when visiting church, I started a conversation with a lady about how Ed and Mark are the orphans referred to in James 1:27:

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

And today, I am asking myself this question: with no nearby relatives that I'm aware of, how can we as a church take up their cause? This is the messy, tricky, question-filled, groaning of my heart today. So as I write this, I ask: will you pray with me that God will provide a way for them? That our church will know how to respond and be obedient to God's Word? That in all of this, we'll discover what it means to care for orphans in their needs? Dear Jesus, please help us. Soothe their pain today. Take up their cause and defend them. Use us to love them, and love them well. Amen.

I've never done this before on this blog. But if you're with me on this, please add your prayer below.

When grown men cry

2010-03-15T15:45:00.005-04:00

I'm fresh off the Synergy 2010 women in ministry conference and my head is spinning. More on that later...but while I was in Florida, I visited with one of my favorite authors.

Trudy Harris, a retired hospice nurse and director, wrote a book called Glimpses of Heaven that I marketed while working for Revell/Baker Publishing Group. When the manuscript hit my desk, my father was in the process of living/dying with cancer. Several people on the pub board committee said the book provoked "allergies." I'll tell you the truth. It made me weep.

The 44 short stories--sharing the intimate experiences of those dying as God showed His love for them in unique ways--have been known to provoke tears. It has sold over 250,000 copies. Trudy has received hundreds of emails and letters in response, and she is faithful to answer each one. (Not to mention signing copies in every airport she flies through.)

Here is the bottom line: God loves us, everyone. And He will go to great lengths to seek us out and to redeem us from our sin, even when we are at death's door. This is the message of the book and the message of Trudy's life: in the few days I spent with her, her phone rang off the hook with those who needed hospice advice, prayer, visits, etc. In her "retirement," she's got a clear calling on her life, and it's beautiful to see her embracing it!

But here is the highlight of my visit with Trudy and her husband, George:

Last Tuesday night, Trudy and I attended a Catholic men's club event where she was the speaker. George is a regular attender, and let's say there were about 70 men in attendance. And exactly two women. There were ice buckets filled with beer. There was a huge bowl of cheez whiz that guys dunked their fritos into. The menu was corned beef and cabbage. There were no salads or lemonade. It was the antithesis of most of the "ladies' events" I've attended.

We were outnumbered, for sure.

But as I sat and waited for Trudy to speak about hospice and God's love for those who are in the dying process, I looked out at these churchgoing men, most of whom were over the age of 50. I was testing out something I learned at a Synergy 2010 workshop: I heard that most men present a "stoneface" in public, because they do not want to appear to be influenced. (We females are more likely, on average, to smile and nod.)

So as Trudy shared her heart-tugging stories of God's love for children who were dying, for those who would see something "beautiful," for those who experienced an angel waiting for them, I looked out at the sea of masculine faces. They became quite serious, as a group, and then some of the faces began to soften. I imagine they were thinking of their father or their mother, their child or their sister, someone they loved and lost.

And it was all I could do not to stand up and cheer. This is why: in the beginning, God created male and female, his A-team, his Blessed Alliance (Genesis 1-3). They were to work together for His Kingdom and to rule and subdue the earth in a reciprocal relationship. But so often we mess up God's plan for our male/female relationships. So often we're divided along gender lines.

Instead, last Tuesday night the Blessed Alliance was in full force, though our numbers were 2 to 70. As the men listened and their hearts were moved by Trudy's stories and ministry, I saw God's image, through male and female, reflected fully. In agreement, for a common purpose. Wow.

Afterwards, the younger club leader approached and said he had been brought to tears--quite a feat, since his wife had only seen him cry once. Ten to fifteen of the men brought a book to be signed by Trudy and offered up their own stories of loved ones who have died. With tears, one man even asked for prayers for his sick grandchild.

Yes, grown men do cry. More importantly, men and women still form the Blessed Alliance each day in marriages and board rooms, factories and ministries, relief efforts and seminary classrooms. We're better together than apart. Thanks to the Catholic men's club for illustrating this so clearly last Tuesday evening. I won't be forgetting it.