If God is my father, this is my family

You can be lonely in a crowded room, in a busy hospital, in a bustling church. But here's what I'm beginning to believe: loneliness in a church setting may actually hurt most, because in the body of Christ we are to be binding up each other's wounds, listening to each other's confessions, actually physically breaking bread together. In fact, the list of "one anothers" in the Bible is quite extensive!

These are not suggestions, but imperatives from the very words of Scripture. 

Today I googled quotes on loneliness for a writing project I'm working on about community. And it was really telling that such similar sentiments came from secular writer Kurt Vonnegut, often known for his outrageousness...and Catholic activist Dorothy Day. It is as if they were at the same party, or at the very least that both had walked through the terrible darkness of loneliness:

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”

― Kurt Vonnegut

“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.”

― Dorothy Day, The Long Loneliness: The Autobiography of the Legendary Catholic Social Activist

If I were to ask you if you have ever been lonely in church, in a small group Bible study, or on a Christian retreat, you would invariably say "yes," because each one of us has known the pain of isolation in a group. And many of us hang out in groups that claim the name of Christ. In all of this, though, I believe we've cheated ourselves: so many of us in the U.S. have believed that our faith was an individual matter, that it is "just between us and God," and so we isolate, we posture, we plan our lives out without the interdependence that God built into our natures, that he calls into existence through His body.

In this, Pastor Eugene Peterson is instructing me, through the book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction:

"For God never makes private, secret salvation deals with people. His relationships with us are personal, true; intimate, yes; but private, no. We are a family in Christ. When we become Christians, we are among brothers and sisters in faith. No Christian is an only child."

With great irony, I've written this post on a day when I feel a great deal of loneliness and uncertainty. Since moving four years ago, loneliness has been a fairly consistent struggle—pastoral ministry helps, but does not cure this ache. But instead of dwelling on friendlessness, or childlessness, or loss of family members, I feel like I want to hoist my loneliness flag in a different direction: with God's help, I want to paint a vision for what his church should be. A healer of hurts, a noisy bunch of diners breaking bread, a family that stays together no matter the inconvenience or toil. A persistent community of God-worshippers in which solitude only leads us back to the raucous joy that can be found when we gather together.

"We are set apart for service to one another. We mediate to one another the mysteries of God."-Eugene Peterson

What about you? Do you struggle with loneliness in your church community? Have an example of the church doing well in celebrating life together?

Serious heart withdrawal

I am in serious withdrawal.

And I am not referring to giving up Christmas sweets or the crass materialism that threatens to gobble us up and spit us out this time of year. This is withdrawal of another kind. Ministry withdrawal.

No sooner did I jet out of town following our two Christmas services, then I started to remember the people I live with and minister to at our church. I thought about so-and-so's surgery, whether or not certain individuals were spending the holiday alone, what it looks like for so many to soldier through the season with fractured relationships, unanswered questions...and doubts. I shook my head as I heard of several individuals who experienced searing loss at the time of year when all is supposedly "merry and bright."

My heart, it seems, was in two places at once. For some, this is parenthood; for others, it is the pastorate.

Eugene Peterson described it this way: "The pastor's question is, "Who are these particular people, and how can I be with them in such a way that they can become what God is making them?"How, indeed.

For this is a messy proposition. A mixed-up bag of highs in one meeting and deep lows in the next. Hot tears and deep joy. Hospital visits, and graveside services, and Bible teaching, and subversive acts that point towards God's advancing Kingdom while the world screams comfort and materialism and the ordinary. Looking for the uncomplicated and straightforward? One need not apply here.

But suppose one's heart beats for transformed hearts and changed lives and the new things Jesus ends up doing with and through ordinary folk. Then the rollercoaster becomes the ride of your life and withdrawal brings its own rewards. I am investing in the hearts of lives of those who matter to my Abba, and he is doing the rest.

I am trusting that all of it matters, even when I don't see how.

"Christian spirituality means living in the mature wholeness of the gospel. It means taking all the elements of your life - children, spouse, job, weather, possessions, relationships - and experiencing them as an act of faith. God wants all the material of our lives."


Did I mention it's good to be back?

[*The author is new to a temporary assignment as a part-time pastor of evangelism. Proof positive that miracles do happen.]


Your turn: What makes your heart experience withdrawal symptoms? How is God's Kingdom expanding around you in a way that brings you deep joy?

Citations: Eugene H. Peterson. The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction (Kindle Locations 41-42, 45-46). Kindle Edition.

Notable Quotable: Eugene Peterson

"I work with words, in pastoring I work with people, but not mere words or mere people, but words and people as carriers of Spirit. The moment words are used prayerlessly, or people are treated prayerlessly, something essential seems to leak out of life."