The "holy" no: saying no for the Kingdom of God

I don't like to say no. I'd rather be a yes-woman, a sure-I-can-do-that woman, an I-am-competent-trust me with-that kind of person.

But as my new friend Brenda reminded me this week, Jesus himself used the "holy no" for reasons his disciples often failed to understand. Read on to feel the gravity of Jesus' refusal as portrayed in the gospel of Mark.

That night, Jesus had lovingly entered the home of Simon's mother-in-law, who was ill with fever. He healed her, and all the people who came after her, casting our their evil spirits. And after this late-night healing session and what must have been a short night of sleep...

"...rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed" (Mark 1:35)

This was Jesus' normal modus of operandi, praying early in the morning in desolate places, and so his disciples went searching for him. His popularity was booming, so they notified him that "Everyone is looking for you."

And Jesus said "no." A "holy no" we find between the lines...in what he didn't actually say at all. He said "Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out" (Mark 1:38).

Yes, that was his response. Leaving behind what were likely hundreds of people who desperately wanted a touch from him, he moved on. Why? I ask myself. Why did Jesus leave behind the hurting and the deluded, those who also desired healing and truth, those who desperately wanted to see him? 


As Jesus prayed to the Father, he gained direction for his life. He knew his purpose, and fulfilling that purpose necessarily involved limits. It involved saying no to good things so he could say yes to God's plan being revealed through him.

So he could do the best things.

If you believe the Bible and want to live by it, you too must discover how to say the "holy no." Like you, I have been entrusted with spiritual gifts and opportunities in which to use them. But they will not be effectively used to advance God's Kingdom if those gifts are spread too thin...if I take them where I want to take them instead of where the Holy Spirit guides me to use them through prayer and meditation.

Let me be completely honest: I have been given the spiritual gifts of teaching/preaching, encouragement, and leadership. If an opportunity presents itself in which I am called to serve outside of these areas of giftedness or in which I will be stretched beyond my limits...I need to seriously consider whether that is God's will for me. If that is how I can best build up the body of Christ and draw others to know and love Jesus. I need to embrace God's unique calling on my life, or I will soon be derailed by saying an "unholy yes" and failing to contribute to advancing God's Kingdom in the ways in which he has asked me to.

I have been derailed before. But with God's help, and as I listen to the Spirit in prayer, I am learning to say the "holy no." I want, like Jesus, to look back at the end of my life and say honestly, "I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do" (John 17:4 NIV).

No more. No less.

Do you struggle with saying no? What things are you currently saying "yes" to in your life? Do they align with your gifts and limits?

Spiritual retreating

She invited me, and so I headed northwest about 45 minutes or so, finding myself on a dirt road, carefully following signs and arrows that pointed to "Lutherhaven."

The "day away" of spiritual retreat was a last-minute idea, and I gladly seized it. Since moving from Michigan, I have craved quiet, nature-filled spaces--and have so seldom found them. But find them I would. Brenda led me to a room filled with a bed, a desk, a dresser, and a few books. She prayed over me, that God would meet me in there and in the outdoors, and that my soul would be refreshed and renewed.

Her kindness surprised me. As you might suspect, it was a Lutheran campground, and I attend a Nazarene church while studying at a Grace Brethren seminary. But Brenda's heart beats for Christian leaders who need to be refreshed. So she found me through some recent articles and this blog, and she welcomed me as a sister in Christ. I was more than a little grateful.

I hiked a bit outdoors, Brenda's words ringing in my ears. "Listen." and "Accomplish nothing." Unguided tours into the presence of the Almighty tend to unnerve most of us. So I sat and quieted myself. And read a bit. And journaled, confessing the competing motives in my heart...

"We tend to forget a very simple truth about prayer: It is passionate dialogue, a living conversation with the God who pursues us Because of what Christ has done, we may enter God's presence with the freedom of little children who cry, 'Abba, Father.' (Romans 8:15) - Matthew Woodley

I wandered up to the lodge's loft, and with colored chalk, began to list the places and things in which I sense God's presence. Just taking in the list reminded me of the healing Christ has brought to my heart, and the subsequent joy I have experienced.

"It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in." - CS Lewis

And the result of the quiet, and sitting surrounded by forests and nature, and just listening was this. My Father asked me quite simply, "Am I enough for you?"

-Am I enough for you if you never have a child?
-Am I enough for you, or do you need a new car?
-Am I enough for you, or do you need a seminary degree completed on your timetable?
-Am I enough for you, or will you fill yourself with sugar to replace me?
-Am I enough for you, or will you try to control life instead of depending on me to provide what's needed?
-Am I enough for you, or will you pressure your husband to be "god to you" as well?
-Am I enough for you, or will you persist in worrying over things in which you have no control?

Am...I...enough? Yes, Lord, you are. You're enough every minute of the day and the night. You're enough when I'm lonely and when my love-tank is filled to the brim. You're enough when I'm grieving, enough when I'm doing laundry, enough when I'm dreaming, enough when I'm serving, enough when I lay my head down on the pillow each night. In fact, I'll go one step further...as the extra bread at the feeding of the 5,000 signified, you are more than enough.


When was the last time you experienced focused time with God, with no agenda and a heart that was quiet enough to hear his voice? What was the result?

Woe is me

Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned . . . again.

Last Saturday was not a banner day for me. I had the distinct feeling that in a spiritual sense, my slip was showing. And it was not just slipping beyond my hemline, it was almost dragging to the floor. I was caught red-handed with my personal pet sin displayed in full glory. To those who should have commanded my respect. To those in my larger circle of influence, people to whom I might have displayed the virtues of humility and grace. People whom I failed, miserably.

Before you get too worried about what I might confess, I'll let the cat out of the bag. In the last few months, I took a survey out of the book The Emotionally Healthy Church for my Spiritual Formation class. I scored quite low on being able to take criticism or confrontation from anyone. I told the husband I wanted to tell him where I scored low, but without even seeing the test at all, he knew instinctively what it was. I might not have been self-aware enough to see it in the past, but others around me have seen it, for sure.

I get defensive, fast, when confronted. I don't want to be at fault. I want to be right. Beneath it all, of course, lurks the sin of pride. And when the rest of my world spins fairly uneventfully and I feel like things are going well in life and ministry, a moment comes when I am put on the spot--and without thought, I lash back in defense. While I usually carefully think through my words, these moments betray a deep-seated pride and a feeling of inferiority all rolled into one.

(I should mention right here that I had started my day with a time of spiritual reflection and a prayer of abandonment to God's Will. I had also read a great blog posting about our "larger circle," and how we have opportunities each day to show God's love to them. Those wonderful thoughts were a million miles away when the following unfolded...)

As I went to check out a few things, the library clerk told me I had an $18 fine due at the local library. I believe that in the next few moments, I ruined the clerk's afternoon. And then I talked heatedly with the library manager. What makes this story infinitely worse, in my opinion, is the fact that said overdue books were theology books, for crying out loud! Not only was I defensive and hot under the collar, I was a horrible example of the grace God has lavished on me. I did not embody His love. There was no trace of humility in my tone.

(I was justifying myself, because I didn't receive any of the usual coming due or overdue email notices, which I later discovered was a feature of my gmail program--it indexed them and hid them from my view. This, of course, is not the library's fault!!)

So I approached the library manager and told him I was sorry, that I was out of line. I explained that the emails the library sends to remind me books are due were buried under the "hold" notices in my inbox and I never saw them. I agreed to pay the fine. I asked for his help in doing this online. I wanted to crawl into a gigantic hole and disappear into another country. But I could not.

I did my duty and left the library, crying as I walked into our home. I immediately asked the husband why I am such a jerk, why I have to be so defensive and reactionary. Why I can't love people like Jesus does. And to make me feel better, he tells me he thinks he can be just as abrasive as I am sometimes, and I cry harder, because I never, ever in my life want to be thought of as abrasive. It goes against every good thing God has done in my heart, so I was beside myself.

As I took a bike ride around our neighborhoods, sunglasses hiding my tears, I confessed my sin to God and He forgave me because of what His Son has already done on my behalf, and this made me cry a little harder, actually. I wanted 50 lashes with a wet noodle or something, and He forgave me, just like that.

I wanted to do some kind of penance and earn back my good reputation and my charitable heart toward others, but all of it is covered because of my position in Christ. I found this very difficult to accept on Saturday. But it is utterly true.

Of course, further talks with friends helped me to realize that God wants to use this little episode, and the test that has revealed one of my greatest weaknesses, to shape me for His use, to make me more like Him. To use my brokenness to help me grow and heal, so I can be Jesus to others in my interactions, so they can grow and heal by knowing Him, too.

Woe is me. But all is not hopeless. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9). Confessed. Forgiven. His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 2:22-23) He is compassionate and gracious; He does not go on accusing us; He remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:13-14)

Christians fail to do and be all that God calls them to be. But God never fails. He disciplines those He loves--then He picks us up, dusts us off, forgives our sin, and sustains us with His compassion and grace.

I'm humbled by this knowledge and grateful for second, third, and fourth chances. How about you?

And then there's spiritual formation

Inside Out by Larry Crabb, updated edition, Navpress, 2006.

The Pressure's Off by Larry Crabb, updated edition, Navpress, 2002.

The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero, Zondervan, 2003.

Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard, Navpress, 2003.

The Complete Green Letters by Miles J. Stanford.

Surely someone out there has read some of these? If so, let's hear about it. And right off the bat, I'll just let you know I think Larry Crabb is one of the great Christian thinkers of our day. He's also the only one I've read on this list, so take that for what it is worth.