Things only a female pastor hears

Actual questions and statements I've heard in the last six months:

• "What does your husband think about all of this?" (i.e., you serving as a pastor)
• "What do you do exactly?"(i.e., and please tell me it isn't preaching)
• "So you're ministering to women, then?" (or variations on this question)
• "A female pastor. How wonderful! And I got to see it before I died."

And the really amazing thing is these questions mostly make me smile. To some, I may be hard to categorize and understand; to my Savior, I am simply his daughter. The one who is simply trying to be obedient—to say, "Yes, Lord," no matter what comes. 

Your turn. What would you ask a female pastor if you could? 

Pastoral tears

When you sign up for the job of a pastor, no one tells you there will be tears. They mention you will be on call at times, that people will misunderstand you and sometimes confuse you, and that you might sometimes be emotionally tired.

But they forget to mention the tears. In seminary or otherwise. At least that is my experience.

You do not realize at first that sometimes you will be helping people who are so emotionally and spiritually and physically broken that all you want to do is lie down on the floor and cry with them. They didn't tell me that I would usually end up crying later, after they are gone, when I am alone with God and asking "Why?" When I am begging God to give me His vision of restoration for them. Asking that he would help me believe that all things are possible with him.

They did not tell me that those who are the most broken would bring the most joy to my heart, as I witness God's work in them. Sometimes these things go in fits and starts, two steps forward, three steps back, and over again, but nevertheless, there is an undeniable look in someone's eye when they believe God loves them and wants to make a way for them. Repentance before God is the gateway to new life, and it is so heart-achingly beautiful that I almost look away. It blows my mind that I get to see these transformations as they are happening, that I am a witness to the power of God's love in the heart of the broken.

You see, they did not tell me that next to my Bible, I would need a box of tissues in my office, stashed in my glove box, crammed into my purse. (Or that I would constantly be dispensing of a used-up tissue in my coat pocket.)

They did not share with me that occasionally I would cry because I had no words left to share with the hurting, with those who are not ready to see beyond themselves. That I would cry because they were not ready to receive all that God longs to offer them. That at times I would be a weeping prophet who didn't have clearance to speak all that my heart held.

No one happened to mention this. Though maybe they tried. Perhaps there are no words to express pastoral tears and so it is useless to try. Yet there they are, these tears, binding me to God's heart, spilling out like love all over those who need a touch from God, cleansing the pain, making way for the newness  Jesus longs to bring to every aching heart.

And just beneath the tears? Deep, abundant joy.

It is the story retold, the story of deep pain on Good Friday and brilliant joy on Easter Sunday. It is the story of new life waiting to burst forth all around me, and for this reason, the tears are worth it. I wouldn't trade them for a minute.

What in your experience brings you to tears? Do the tears give way to joy—and if so, how?

My first church sermon

*NOTE: There was a hiccup with the audio file to this sermon. Thanks for your patience. The audio file will be posted here yet this week.*

Last Sunday, I preached for the first time in a church. It was a big deal, a game-changer in my life, if you will. And then again, it was as natural as breathing. Is this how one knows when she has found a sweet spot? A place where the world's hunger and a person's giftedness and passion meets?

Pastor Jim Kane, me, and David

The title of the sermon was "Why Women Matter to God," and in it we turned to the Genesis Creation story. We unpacked the amazing truth that we are made in the very image of God, of being created as God's ezers (the Hebrew word used when God created Eve), and we discussed how women are desperately needed in God's Kingdom.

The central truth: "Women are part of God's Plan A, fully equipped to do his good work."

One woman, who looked to be about 80, said afterwards: "Thank you--you helped me realize I'm still worth something." And my heart soared. I addressed the young girls in attendance, as well as the grown-up woman, and in a moment at the end as I asked the "ladies" to stand for a prayer of blessing, the girls elbowed each other until they stood up as well. A woman is an ezer--a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer--from the cradle to the grave, and I wanted all of them to know it. Our heavenly Father's intentions for His daughters were made known on Sunday, thanks be to God!

But there was also something happening in my heart, something I find hard to articulate. I know many dear brothers and sisters in Christ who do not believe a woman should preach in church--and quite honestly, many of them use particular Scriptures to back up their views. I understand where they are coming from, though of course I don't believe those passages, set in very particular contexts, mean that at all.

What I am trying to say is the road to my first sermon has been costly to me personally. But when I walked up to the front of the auditorium on Sunday, none of that mattered. It didn't enter my mind in the least. Instead of being silenced, I was set free to simply expound the Word of God to his sons and to his daughters.

"In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all peoples. Your sons and your daughters will prophesy. . . Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy."Acts 2:17-18

As I stood up to preach on Sunday, the prayers of many undergirded me, and I knew there were other women around the world approaching the pulpit as well. I know this because some of them have emailed or commented following the article on The Gifted for Leadership blog, and they remind me that being gifted to preach or teach is about faithfulness. A simple willingness to be used by God, to be obedient no matter what others think.

I have yet to meet a woman who is a leader in ministry for the wrong reasons. I'm sure there are some, but by and large, the women I meet have sacrificed greatly to use the gifts and express the calling God has traced on their hearts. It is not easy, but they choose faithfulness. Many of them switch denominations, lose friends or family relationships, and take poor-paying jobs that no one wants so they can serve the Lord with their gifts. I admire them—and though I don't know the specifics of what God is calling me to do yet, I pray for grace to simply obey.

Your turn. Do you believe women should fully use whatever gifts God has given them? If you do, are you still somewhat uncomfortable when a woman gets up to preach? Let's discuss with kindness and charity.

Church for every woman

 You are married and single, career women, homeschooling and full-time working mothers, grad students, professional counselors, church and ministry leaders, supermoms and supergrandmoms, and homemakers extraordinaire.


You are the "everywoman" in the church pew, and last week when I posted on how it feels to be an Atypical woman in the pew, you responded. What you said in the comments section and the church hallways surprised me.

It isn't just the single and the childless who often feel the sting of not fitting in when they approach the church doors. It's all of us. Whether you fit into a church's biggest demographic or not. Whether you are young or old. Whether you have ankle-biters pulling on your yoga pants or a boss pushing you to work 50 hours a week. You feel it. But like me, I don't think you talk about it much.


I think Pam described the problem best:
You asked what the church might start doing differently to welcome every woman. One thing is to stop pitting us against each other by emphasizing how we're different. I may have more in common with scholars and career women than with a homeschooling mother of six, but I know I have much to learn from her--and perhaps she might gain from that interaction as well. But as long as churches define womanhood narrowly by marital/parental/career status, we will always be at odds with those whose situations are different from our own.

Despite all those differences, we still share so much in common. What we really need is the support of other women, but we won't be able to give our sisters that support if we can't get past those differences.


In Anne Jackson's honest (and frankly tear-provoking) book and website about the church, Permission to Speak Freely, she talks about the "gift of going second." I wonder what would happen if we as women in the church approached other women who are probably feeling alone as well and started a conversation. Any conversation. If we opened up, perhaps they would follow.


If our Bible studies and outreaches were designed to help us find common ground, if leaders got up and talked very openly about their struggles to fit in and to be a part of a diverse community, to make the church a place where we live, eat, and breathe together, things can change.


This is the vision Jesus had for all of his daughters and for the church as the whole. Sometimes we will have to do parts of our lives alone, but I believe the church was and is God's answer to loneliness. We just have to start acting like it, with the Holy Spirit's help.


I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder when I attended last weekend's women's ministry retreat. My demeanor changed when the speaker, a woman who is so put together and seemingly perfect, started talking about periods of deep heartbreak, temptations to sin, and a God who is constant through it all. I led the discussion around my table with five women at completely different places in life, and one woman, with whom I outwardly appear to have nothing in common, encouraged me the most. Barb was quiet and unassuming, a servant with a deep joy behind her eyes that gives hope to all who come in contact with her. I'd never have met her otherwise. And that, sisters, would have been a real shame. 


What are you willing to risk to reach out to other women at church? What might that look like? Let's keep the conversation going.

One woman in preaching class

Picture me, wheeling my little laptop bag down the seminary hall, as I approach room 101 on Tuesday night at 6 pm, only to find...

Twenty males in my Expository Preaching class! Yes, I am the only spot of estrogen. I should have prepared myself, since I attend a conservative seminary. But alas, I was unprepared. And a little undone. I mentioned the lack of estrogen to the professor, and he remarked that I would "need to assert myself in class."

I think he might come to regret those words. I can just see it on my final evaluation: "I have learned Suzanne does not have a problem asserting herself..." In a class where I realize most of the members do not agree with my desire to preach, no one is quite sure what to do with me. But I have decided that I'm done minimizing my giftings of teaching, leadership, and encouragement. They are what they are. To be faithful to Christ and His body, I must simply be willing to use them.

And so my "introduction" went something like this:
"Hi, my name is Suzanne Burden. I write for Christian publishers part-time and attend seminary part-time. And I'll answer the most-oft question I get here up-front: no, my husband does not attend seminary. He works for an American automaker. I'm pursuing an MA in Theology. I have not had the opportunity to preach...yet (silence is deafening)...but I do fill in as a Sunday School teacher."

You see, it is not that women have not infiltrated the preaching class before...there were two last year, for instance. It is just that I'm not sure a woman who desires to actually preach or teach to a mixed audience has ever set foot in the door. Most of the women I meet are willing to live up to the status quo, to agree with Paul when he says he does not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man. And I can respect that, if that's truly what they believe, although I personally feel other passages show us this is about Paul's local context only, and that women in the Old and New Testaments were doing a lot of things many of our churches don't even allow them to do today. (Deborah, Huldah, Miriam, Phoebe, Priscilla, Junia, etc.)

But my position becomes even stranger when I tell you that I don't like to be labeled an egalitarian. I truly believe that men and women are equal, but that they do complement each other. There is a reason God made both of the sexes. And I delight in our differences, and the beauty of our alliance.

So, if you think of it, pray for me on Tuesday nights as I soak in all the amazing material this class has to offer. And somewhere, several weeks down the road, get up to preach my first sermon. If there's one thing seminary does, it stretches you above and beyond your comfort zone.

And if all goes well, I will not hear the strange words uttered to another woman who preached a sermon in seminary: "your preaching was good, but it was kind of feminine." Uh....exactly.

P.S. Although you may mean no offense, please don't invite me to the seminary wives group, assuming that my husband is the one in seminary. Please ask first. And when you find out I am in seminary, please don't ask me if my husband is in seminary, too. That might not seem offensive at face value, but if he were in seminary, I highly doubt you'd ask if I was, too. However, if you do (or have done) one of the aforementioned things, I will forgive you in Jesus' name. I, too, have stuck my foot in my mouth on more occasions than I can count and am truly grateful the grace of Christ covers it all!

Did I mention I'm falling in like with N.T. Wright?

I'm a girl who's on the beginning of her seminary journey. And as such, I have a lot to learn. Approximately two more years worth of seminary learning, to be exact. (And lots more learning after that.)

I've been learning, for instance, which authors my seminary professors would like me to read--John Piper, Dallas Willard, Miles Stanford, etc. And which books they would recommend I not bother with. Anything by Rob Bell, for instance.

But since at this stage in my life I'm not good at following directions "just because," I tend to a read a little bit of everything. And this approach serves me well, because on the Arminian/Calvinism theology continuum, I get exposed to almost every imaginable approach to Scripture.

Along the way, although I can assure you I am happily married, I have begun to fall in serious like with N.T. Wright. ("Tom" Wright is the Bishop of Durham in the Church of England and a New Testament scholar.) Or perhaps I should say I am seriously in like with his even-handed approach to theology and his irenic, peace-loving spirit.

Call me ornery, but I like that Bishop Wright has not been liked by liberal Christians, that he has been questioned by the very conservative John Piper, that the emerging church digs him but his views don't line up with many of them consistently,  and that he is always trying to work out his faith according to the Word of God, set in its proper context. The latter, of course, is what I find most endearing--Bishop Wright's committed faithfulness to the study of the text and context of the Bible.

The funniest thing about this post is that I've read so little of Wright's actual writing--though I intend to. Since I so often struggle with the paradoxes the apostle Paul represents, perhaps I should start with one of his "Paul for Everyone" commentaries.

Meanwhile, prepare to be wowed by the essays and addresses found on this page. If I were you, I'd start with his "The Biblical Basis for Women's Ministry in the Church." I've read it three times already, and I still want to read it again.

So, yes, I've fallen seriously in like. Friends and family now have a built-in book shopping list for my next birthday. Now, if you'll excuse me--it appears I have a bit more reading to do.

What about you? What do you love or dislike about NT? Who are your favorite theologians?

Women as Theologians

While reading a blog post from Carolyn Custis James, I was reminded that we as women, as ezers (Genesis 2), are also called to be theologians. To know God and to make Him known. Yes, you were created for this!

You, in whatever sphere you find yourself, are called to be a theologian, and you are called to be a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer in God's Kingdom. You're to do all this alongside men, in this tremendous Blessed Alliance God created in the Beginning.

As Carolyn Custis James says, the moment you ask "why?" you are doing theology. Despite knowing this, and truly believing it in my heart, I can't summon the names of great female theologians very easily.

Carolyn Custis James could be numbered among them. Dorothy Sayers. Perhaps Alice Matthews? Now I know there are a lot more of us out there, but they aren't well-known. And since this isn't the way God designed it--He truly intended for men and women to work together in His Kingdom from the beginning--I wonder if we might take a nod from this quote, also posted by Carolyn Custis James' on her blog:

"When a man partners with a strong woman, everyone benefits . . . What I find remarkable is that more men around the globe don't realize how much stronger they would be if partnered with a strong woman.Way too often and in too many corners of the globe, women are denied the opportunity to reach their full potential. It's wrong and it's backward, and of course, the irony is that by keeping women down, men lose out too."

-Bill Gates, Sr.

Thoughts?