I've been surrounded by church ladies my whole life. But I don't feel like one of them.
Does a church lady eat mostly plant-based meals? Does she do yoga? Does she study theology in seminary? Does she feel more comfortable in Barnes and Noble than at a women's ministry event? Is her favorite color RED?
Not according to stereotypical perceptions. I suppose I realized how much I broke the mold when I was invited to a "mom's night out" at my church--the church's ongoing social offering for women--after getting married at age 35. I explained that I had no children and asked if the event might be changed to "ladies' night out" so that singles and infertiles and married women could be included. The answer was no. I begged off.
Since that time, I've joined the "currently infertile" category, which only makes the designation sting more. There's got to be a better way to bridge the gap across generation and circumstance--a way that every woman would be welcomed at the church of the living God. I'm happy to tell you, there is.
When God named your grandmother Eve an "ezer" (Hebrew word) in Genesis 2:18, you earned your seat at the table, sister. You are a strong helper, warrior, and rescuer, fit for Kingdom service. Married or no. Mother or not. Professional or homemaker extraordinaire. (See this video for details on what it means to be an ezer.) You belong. Don't let any woman (or man) tell you otherwise.
In the spirit of celebrating the atypical woman in the pew, I'm going to a woman's event at my church this weekend. I'm thinking positive thoughts, believing that Jesus in me might draw other atypical women into the conversation. That we might be celebrated, enjoyed, and encouraged. There is room for us at the table. Perhaps we just need to insist on it and pull up some chairs.
Tell me about your experience as an atypical woman in church. How might we encourage our churches to invite all of God's daughters to the table?
And of course you know you fit right in at Synergy. The "not your typical women's conference" conference: http://www.synergytoday.org/conferences.html
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ReplyDeleteI've always been bothered by the obsession with moms at churches, even now that I am a mother. I have no desire to get together with other people who happen to have carried, birthed, or adopted children, where it is assumed that this one distinction suddenly makes us best friends. I'm not the least bit interested in hearing about other people's kids. Couldn't we find a zillion other things that bind us together as Christian women? How about getting together to learn Scripture and theology rather than talk about potty training and preschools? How about we share our gifts and teach each other how to do things that you could do whether you had a husband or kids or not? Things like cook exotic foods, can vegetables, build raised planters, write poetry, train a dog, play an instrument, run a 5k, crochet scarves, or any number of fun and useful activities that can bring joy to us and those around us whether we're single, married, divorced, or widowed?
ReplyDeleteI'm going to share this with our mentoring leadership team, Suzanne. Well written. The fact that this dialog is required makes me a little sad.
ReplyDeleteYou speak my language, sister! Try being a full-time working mom at church. Not a lot of other sisters in that category at the churches I've attended in the past. I'd rather meet up with some girlfriends at a Barnes and Noble than go on a women's church retreat any day of the week. And I've always tried to pin point the reason I have felt that way.
ReplyDeleteYeah, hit a hot button here. @Jeedoo--I highly recommend Synergy as an experience you'll never regret. @Erin--you constantly refresh me. If only you lived closer so you could teach me some of that stuff while we talked theology!! @Natasha--will you pray for me as I attend the event this weekend, sister? @Sharon--I hear you. Hope you find JOY in the journey today.
ReplyDeleteLet's keep the conversation going, sisters. We need each other!
I think it might be more than station in life that causes the divide. I do fit into the "typical" category, and I still feel left out, and that I don't fit in. I'd rather go to ANYTHING rather than a woman's event, especially at a church. And, in groups, I'd rather stick with my husband and hang out talking with the men, than have to figure out how to talk to the "typical" daughter of Eve. It is a battle within that I want to tackle with grace.
ReplyDeleteThis whole issue blows me away. I'm sure there are complicated factors that contribute to this problem, including the fact that stay-at-home moms usually have more time available for ministry events. But it's not right. I think we all need to be part of the change, standing up for honesty and working hard to make sure that women of all stages feel a part of the church, whether in traditional women's ministry or not.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy and Nicole. You're right, Nicole, we have to BE the change. Went to the women's event tonight...and happened to sit next to a woman I hadn't met before with whom I share some very personal things in common. There are more atypicals than we think. In your opinion, what might the church start doing differently to stand up and welcome every daughter of Eve?
ReplyDeleteSuzie, I completely agree. I've never fit into those gatherings, even when I was a part of the target demographic. And I've always felt bad for the women who were even more outside the "norm" of those groups than I -- the single, the childless, etc.
ReplyDeleteYou asked what the church might start doing differently to welcome every woman. One thing is to stop pitting us against each other by emphasizing how we're different. I may have more in common with scholars and career women than with a homeschooling mother of six, but I know I have much to learn from her -- and perhaps she might gain from that interaction as well. But as long as churches define womanhood narrowly by marital/parental/career status, we will always be at odds with those whose situations are different from our own.
Despite all those differences, we still share so much in common. What we really need is the support of other women, but we won't be able to give our sisters that support if we can't get past those differences.
Looking forward to hearing your review of the event.
Amen to your insights, Suzie. God bless you in your studies at seminary, and your involvement with the women at church. The men are not exempt from a similar sorting exercise -- not so much regarding children, but career ("so... what do you do?) and abilities (think hammer and nails "church projects") and interests (10-point buck, anyone?). I get it.
ReplyDeleteJust this weekend, two other single ladies and I had a conversation about the "problem" of too many single women with a Hungarian family we were visiting (who have a 35 year old single daughter). Wow - we think we have struggles in the States, but in Hungarian culture, and I'm guessing in many others, there are some complicated factors and societal pressures at work, both within and outside the church. Marriage seems to be upheld above one's relationship to God, and sometimes even Scripture. In some cases, there may even be an underlying belief that a woman cannot even have a direct relationship, much less complete sufficiency, in God. Too much to discuss here, but it was an eye-opening conversation. Pray for the older single women believers in this culture, that they can find their place of relevance and respect in the body of Christ! (not just the Hungarian ladies, but the single women who serve here)
ReplyDeleteMy respnose to this post, "Calling Women Back to Ministry" http://goo.gl/Xm5nX
ReplyDeleteLove, Natasha
Thanks for sharing all. @John-thank you for bravely commenting. Ah, yes, the "sorting exercise." Well put. Please post again! @Beth-I long for the church to integrate singles into the body and to get it right. I love your brave and loving contribution to God's church in Hungary! @Natasha-thanks for keeping the conversation going on your blog, girl.
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