Friday, August 21, 2009

What's a girl to do

I am completely serious when I say seminary orientation starts a week from tomorrow! Really.

And I have to tell you, there is nary a moment to spare. Between adding more freelance writing projects, chaplaincy work, home stuff, friends who need help, husband stuff, church stuff, hormone stuff, and keeping connected to my Abba-Father, there is no time. Add to that, the husband has started working between 50-58 hours a week.

The margin in our lives, which was such a gift through the first year of our marriage, is dwindling. I am waving it a wistful farewell. I'm working to come to grips with our new existence. I'm asking God to show me what to do, what to delegate, and what to let go of. Truthfully, I think my husband and I are both a little bit wary of what this new season will mean for our marriage.

And there's the question mark about whether God will bless us with a child at some point. Where in the world does that fit in to this picture? Only God knows. And I'm so glad He does.

Anyway, all this hullabaloo means that I have had many a "come-to-Jesus" moment this last week or two. I mean this figuratively as in "get a grip" and literally, as in, "Help me, please, Lord."

I have already canceled two lunch appointments for next week. I mourned the fact that my new hairstylist here quit, and quickly called up another local salon, hoping for the best. I finished a freelance project, talked my dear mother into working for me on some database/coordination issues next week, then called our lead chaplain to ask if another chaplain might cover for me during the month of September.

Then I looked at the husband and asked him what all of this is going to look like. Our latest realization, although it goes against our grain a bit, is that we are in need of finding a kind soul to clean our small home once a week. This is something we've never done before--and frankly, never thought about doing. But we are asking ourselves how to be good stewards of our time and energy. How to preserve a safe haven for ourselves, while doing the work and learning God has called each of us to do.

We are not the type to burn the candle at both ends. That is, I was the type, but then I learned my lesson--years ago. We want to live life intentionally, with grace and joy. With healthy food, quiet time with our Savior, and time to give to each other and those who come across our paths. And so we are, with God's help, creating a new season in which He can use us.

It is like a blank canvas, really. But I'm thankful we're assembling the colors and the brushes. Getting ready to use what is needed to move forward on the journey. Now, after all is said, may my heavenly Father give me the grace to leave the paintbrush in His hand, to surrender the reins.

That's what this girl has decided to do.

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