Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Two years of marriage . . . and counting

"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked."
-Bill Cosby

Two years ago on April 26, I said "I do" to David. And it felt like jumping off a cliff. Just as exhilarating, too. As you read this, we are celebrating our anniversary in the Poconos.

For the entire first year of marital union, I would wake up in the morning and have to remind myself that I was no longer single. Who David was. That I had moved to be with him. And that this was a permanent arrangement!

Now it feels like I've had a husband for ages. Funny how time changes things. And how it doesn't. Despite all the odds and statistics, this is how David and I do marriage:

  • Pre-marriage. Before we tied the knot, or even got engaged, we counseled with the pastor, asked deep and important questions, and purposed to save sex for marriage. Counter-cultural? Absolutely. Absolutely, hands-down, a wonderful way to prepare for a brilliant marriage.
  • We honor each other. Yes, I belong to the facebook group "My husband still opens my car door." That is not a joke! I take care of my husband's dishes while he is lying on the couch, napping. Often, he cooks me dinner. I plan his meals and do the grocery shopping. We have each other's backs. 
  • We yield. Some people like to call this submission, but I like the word yielding. Because yielding is all about being less self-addicted and giving in the name of Jesus to another person, even when you don't feel like it. And a yield sign does not mean that you don't eventually go somewhere--it means you yield your right to go first to someone else because you want to serve them. 
  • We mop up the mess. When we don't do our best to love or respect well we say we are sorry, even if we didn't mean to hurt the other person. We expect that marriage is not perfect and that this will happen often. We address it, mop up the mess, make amends, and move on, knowing that neither of us is perfect while trusting that the other person is for us.
  • We give space. We do a lot together, but at the end of the day, I answer to my Maker first, not my husband. And so we give each other the latitude to be the person God has created us to be, to pursue separate interests, to love in different ways as God has built us differently, and to think or pray through an issue before coming together again.
  • We value gifts in the other. David is a generous behind-the-scenes servant; I tend to take on leadership and teaching roles. David thinks very logically and plans well, while I tend to be more expressive, a writer, and a lover of people. We belong to a mutual admiration society.
  • We delight in each other. This goes far beyond a beautiful sex life to simply noticing our different reactions to things, laughing about this together, and complimenting each other on how we use our gifts and talents for our Maker.
I believe our closest relationships in life have the potential to damage or heal us the most. Marriage may have a bad rap, but when you enter marriage expecting that you will be called to serve like Jesus did, it can turn your marriage right-side up. That's all we'd like you to know. That Christian marriage can exceed your expectations. Do you agree or disagree? Please post comments.


  1. Saying a prayer of thanks and praise for you today, and for the goodness and beauty of your God-ward, shared life. Happy Anniversary my friend!

  2. Five years married late in life and I still am surrised by him around the corner, next to me in bed and wiping my tears away. A godly man is worth the wait!

  3. Leigh and Sandra: What beautiful words! God bless you...